Crazy Days of the Single Life

When you go out with your girls, you get all dolled up, ready to hit the town, and you would think that some (most) guys would have respect. OK I am speaking from a point of view here of not being a slutty, so when I say getting all dolled up, I mean classy - not trashy :). There is a point of flirty and to far. But how far is to far? Guy meets girl - girl meets guy.... You know the rest. You sit down and a guy comes up to you, you are expecting a "Hi my name is.... What are you up to tonight?" No instead you get a "Do want to put your hand on my D*%*"... WTF??? Is that even appropriate? Out of the blue HELLO!!!! Again case in point - to far.
So on to the next, your on the dance floor dancing with your girl and a guy comes up to you and is ALL over you. PDA to the MAX... NOT OK! I mean come on are we in high school? I am in my 30's, as is my friend (well close), and I am not your girlfriend. So if your want to dance with me, cool, but don't put your hands on me like your petting a dog. Seriously, who taught you manners? Would you treat your mom like that? Next time  you see me and wonder why I gave you a wrong number you will know. I'm not your girlfriend, so if we dance once and your all over me, and then act like i'm yours for the rest of the night - um NO! Get over it!
Another hint, if you see me making up excuses to get away, let it go - NOT interested!
Then must I mention all the assholes out there, that think they are just to good for their own good. I mean really, do you honestly think that sitting in a corner looking out at the rest of the world with this look that says "Hey I'm the shit" - when ya, your really not. Try getting a different hair cut, oh yeah and a different shirt. And did I mention that the crowd you run with is not intimidating. I'm from Denver bitch, believe me my friends back home are more intimidating. Asshole will be assholes, no matter which way you swing it. In a small town it's funny how many I have met, but I guess with it being such a small town the chances are that much greater.
The games are played, the players are playing and I don't speak guy :). I just love it how they think they are the only ones that are in control. Yet do they speak girl?
There are so many situations that play out in the singles crowd, and it's better not to get emotions involved. Why hate a player, when you play the game yourself?
<3

On Cloud Nine :)

Feelings in life change like hot and cold. One minute you see yourself on the sidelines and the next minute someone walks into your life that changes everything. It's a scary thought to think that one moment can send a tingle down your spine, send you into thoughts that fog your mind. You can relish in the moment, because you have not felt this way in a long time. Or do you put your wall up? A little bit of both maybe? 

When you have butterflies in your stomach and you find yourself daydreaming, it’s hard to keep your mind in check and balance your heart at the same time.

You will never know what will happen in the future, and not taking a risk is the wrong thing to do. I mean two weeks ago I had a completely different outlook on dating, and putting myself out there, and I am still a little hesitant, but you cannot control the way you feel. You cannot control when someone just walks right in and sweeps you off your feet. Life tends to happen that way.

Right now I think I am going to go with the flow, I am in a great place in my life and I think that this may be a turning point. Complete turnaround in two weeks. <3 

Toxic Craziness

There comes a point in a relationship when it becomes toxic. A point where you just need to shut it down. At this point I can't say I am surprised, I mean you open up to someone after a long period of shutting people out, and at the end of the day it is you who ends up getting hurt. I take full responsibility for this happening. I allowed myself to trust, when there was a part of my mind that was giving red flags. But as time passes you by in life you allow yourself to hope. To want, to long for that someone who cares back.
I often think back to the only person I have ever loved and wonder if I will ever find that kind of passion and compatibility again. The kind of relationship where there was more than just love, but also a strong friendship, and bond. I am starting to wonder if that is something you only find once.
When things become toxic, a craziness comes out and this is not something I am proud of. I know that it is an indication that I care, but why should that have to come out if that person was good, if that person cared back. Things that were said by this person about me, were just to much and I lost it. I know it's time to shut it down, cut this person out of my life. I don't want to be that person who is crazy, but I also know that I don't deserve to be treated that way either. Again I take responsibility for my behavior, and it takes a lot to get me to that point. Now once again my walls are going up and I think that maybe I prefer it that way. At least for right now.
For three years I did not allow myself to care about anyone in a romantic way, I avoided dating, of even having to deal with the fact that I might get hurt. But in those three years, I also learned some things about myself and understood that the right thing to do is take care of yourself first. I have let my last two relationships become toxic, to the point where it was emotionally draining, I allowed both of those people to walk all over me, treat me with disrespect, and I didn't do a damn thing about it, but sit there and take it. I felt that being with that person was more important than my self respect. But that is not me anymore, and I started to see that person coming back and it scared me. The toxic craziness, I will never allow myself to be put in that situation again.
I can not allow a person dictate my feelings or allow myself to get so upset that it throws me off. If that other person is not good for me, there is no point in wasting my time in developing feelings for that person.
Tonight I am sitting here writing this, and I have this tiny ache in my heart. I let my emotions get crazy for a person who hurt me, and had no qualms about doing it. He tossed my feelings aside and said hurtful things that I would not even say to my enemy.
Love for me is going to be a challenge, even after the three years I spent alone, learning to love myself, building my self esteem up and preparing to allow myself to trust. I still have a lot to learn and after what happened my heart is hurt. I am not sure where to put myself out there. As for now, I just want to sit on the sidelines and allow myself to heal.
Craziness and Love should they go together? Yes, if your crazy in love.