Scrabble

My mind as of late seems to be going in a million different directions. I have butterflies that keep me up at night and I am not sure where to go. At the same time, I have so many dreams and it seems like they just keep changing. I know this is OK, because that's what we do right? But when do you throw in the towel and just say, this is what I am going to do with the rest of my life? And what about happiness? This is what has been keeping me up at night. I just want to be happy. I do not want to end up like my cousin, or some of my friends who have all settled down, have kids and they tell me they wished they had done more with their life. Alright so here is my chance right? I have the time, and although 12 years ago I started something and I quit and now I am realizing it may be what I wanted, is it to late to go back?
I am currently in a committed program and am realizing that although I love the aspect of helping people, it may not be the direction I want to go. It's better I find that out now right? I know that there may be some disappointment from others, but it's my life, and right now I am living with this dread in my stomach, like I don't know if I want this. I hate making decisions, and I hate people looking at me like "really again?"  I mean it took me 10 years to get through college because I couldn't decide on my major, and now I am seriously considering going back and starting at the beginning. I don't even know. Everything is just really foggy right now, and I need it to be clear, but when has it ever been clear. I don't want to settle, I want to be happy, and I want to do what's best for me. I love taking care of others, and I believe I know the path I need to go, it's just a matter of getting the courage to realign myself again and do it. I can't stand the thought of not being happy, and not living a life that is fulfilling to me. But I just need to pick up my courage and do it.
xoxo