Wine and Crab Galore...

I decided to take off this weekend and check out an event that I have heard so much about, but did not get around to seeing yet.
So I packed my bags, filled my car up, and hit the road. I was on my way to the Annual Crab Festival in Astoria, OR. What an adventure it was! Not only did I get to eat some of the best crab I have ever tasted, I also got the privilege of tasting some of the best wine right here in the Northwest. Now I have heard that there are many winery's up here, (I must admit I have been a little slacking on exploring that avenue), but I never imaged there were this many. Now by no means am I a wino, as a matter of fact, I know next to nothing about wine tasting. I do however know that I prefer white, to red. Sad it is, that is where my knowledge stops.

This weekend I got a introductory education on wine tasting. Not only were the wine's incredible, but I was in absolute shock at how many different white wines there are. Now I know I may sound a bit uneducated here, but like I said I know next to nothing about this subject.





With that in mind, I was able to experience many different kinds of my all time favorite, Pinot Gris, then there was the Pinot Noir, and I think I may have found a new favorite taste in Riesling wine. Being that it was pretty early, I was able to have another favorite, Mimosa.

Well By 11 am it was time to hit the crab lunch. Yes it was 11am and already I had a buzz. If I was to survive the rest of the day I needed some food in my stomach.
So I made my way to the area where we ate the famous crab dinner. I got the half crab, and halfway through that I was wishing I had the full crab, it was that good! As I was sitting there trying to figure out how I was going to break this crab open with just a plastic fork, the lady next to me took this block of wood and just starting beating the crab with it. I had to giggle. This was definitely a first time experience I would never forget. So I joined in, and I will have to admit..... IT WAS FUN!

After eating my wonderful crab lunch, I decided to go do some more tasting. My stomach was full, and I was ready. The festival started to get pretty crowded, and walking with a wine glass became a little harder. Many people had these little wine glass holders, that you wear like a necklace, and your wine glass fits in there. Not only did it free my hands, but I was able to keep my glass from spilling, and I looked like I was supposed to be there. haha. So more wine tasting I did. I have never experienced anything like this before. The people were amazing, and friendly ( I am sure it had nothing to do with the fact that everyone was feeling a little happy!) and the food was incredible.

It was so hard to choose which wines I wanted to buy. I didn't have a lot of money to spend, so I had to choose carefully, but in the end I was happy with the wine's I purchased. All in all I have to say it as a fantastic time, and I will be doing this again next year!
Cheers!

A Beautiful Kind Of Silent.

So despite the events of the past week and feeling so emotional all week, the end of my week ended beautifully.
The boy, knowing how bad I was feeling this week decided what I needed was a night away, so we went up to Seattle. Now I understand it may be hard to understand me, I can be very emotional and shut off sometimes especially when I am dealing with emotional stress. For so long it was so much easier to deal by myself then to say I need help. The school shootings this week brought back many bad memories, feelings and a sadness I haven't felt in a long time. There were a few moments this last week when I just broke down.
I have been working very hard at communicating my feelings, especially with the boy. You can not build a relationship without communication right? So knowing how sad I was feeling, he was completely understanding. We didn't talk much about the sadness, but that's not what I needed. I needed him to be there. And he was. He understands that I will talk about things when I am ready, and he knew why I was feeling like this. The best thing about this weekend was, he was there. When I didn't feel like talking he just held me and let me be silent.
I am starting to feel comfort with him, it's ok to be silent, and there is no awkwardnesses. When I fall asleep next to him, his breathing puts me at ease.
Getting away this weekend, was just what I needed, a weekend to not think about all that is wrong in this world. There is no-one that I would have wanted to spend it with, and there are no words that I can say to him to let him know how much i appreciate him. For letting me be sad, and making me happy all at once.

So yes Seattle was great. There is something about that city that brings so much out. For me that is he where he first said the words that made me think of our future, where he brought me again, so I would forget about all that is wrong.
So yes, Seattle has a magic.

Feeling Emotional

So I don't even know how to start this post. I am so emotional today, I am sure everyone has heard about the school massacre today at the Virginia Tech Campus. So very sad, my heart truley goes out to all of those poor innocent people that lost their lives today, and the many more who were injured in the shooting. Also to the families who are grieving for their loss.
I find myself glued to the t.v. tonight, and I can't help but remember two similar times, when again I was unable to pull myself away form the t.v. The Columbine massacre and 9-11.
The Columbine massacre happened my senior year in high school, and at the time I was living in Colorado, and had many friends at Columbine. I will never forget that day in my life.
Today I am feeling the same emotions, anger, hurt, and a sadness that I can not explain. Again there are just two times before this that I have felt like this.
I do not understand how people can be so heartless. Why? Why is this happening? Can life be so bad that you have to take the lives of innocent people? Can there truley be a meaning to all this madness?
People go to school to learn, never in my wildest dreams, would I think that my life could end there. People went to work on 9-11, never imaging that today would be their last day on earth.
It is so tragic, that we can not do the things in life that we have worked so hard for, or are working hard to become.
Today I am overcome with a sadness and I ask that you please take a moment of your time to say a prayer for the people who so innocently lost their lives today, and the families who are grieving.
We will never get an answer as to why this happened, we will never have closure to many of the massacres that have happened in the recent years.
Please don't ever forget.

New Lessons.

So the birthday has come and gone, and I have to say I am not disappointed. I was able to spend it with the people I care most about, My family, my best friend, and yes the boy. Again I am thinking I am eating my words here with him. We are so different, but maybe that's what makes us good. I truly know he cares about me, and there is a big part of me that tends to distance myself from love, due to my past experiences.
However, when it comes down to it, he is there, and it's the little things he remembers. the little things that make me happy that he tries to do for me. You see he comes from money, I don't. I think sometimes I use that as an excuse as to why it won't work. But I may be ignorant here. Yes we are very different, but he does so much for me, he makes me feel good about myself, he tries so hard to make me understand that. My concern, as stupid as this may sound, I feel sometimes I am not good enough for him....... In my heart I know that's not true, I think we teach each other so many things about life that the other person was never exposed to.
The truth I miss him when he's not there. His emotional level is different than mine, but he is getting better, why? because I told him I needed this. So yes, this is me being a little selfish.
So why? Why am I pushing this person away, when everything he does, he does for me, and when we are together, I feel nothing but him.
Again I am eating my words from my previous posts. I have been through so much in my life and I can not blame, or compare him to past experiences. He has done everything to make me happy.
Now when I say he comes from money and he does everything for me, I feel I have to clarify. I feel bad because I don't want him to take care of me financially, I am very independent, but I don't have the money he does, and was not given the opportunities he has been given. Yes he takes me out a lot, but it's the little things I appreciate from him, not the money. However growing up with money and growing up in middle class is very different. Again sometimes I feel will I ever be good enough for him? The answer is in my heart somewhere.
The truth of the matter is, he cares, and I care. No matter how different we may be, and no matter what backgrounds we come from, we met each other for a reason. It may be a short lesson, or a life time love. What ever the reason, right now I need him, and I can not let my past dictate my feelings for him.
This year has been a hard year, but I am ready for a new year, a new beginning.... I still have so much more to learn, and so much more to experience.
So yes as emotional as it may be my 26 years on this earth has made me who I am, but its also who I am going to become.

Another Year....

Yet another year has passed and on the eve of my 26th birthday I am feeling a little emotional. So many memories, so much pain, so much laughter and yet another person emerges. I have to reflect a little bit on so many changes that have overcome me in the last year. This year, more than ever has had a major impact on my life as a whole.
I have dealt with things that I have never dealt with before. So many painful memories that for so long were so very much a part of me, but now I am putting behind me. For the first time in a long time I am looking at these things as being in my past. I understand that they are a part of me, and this is what shaped me in some way or another, but I also realize that they are in my past, and I can not base my future on my past, or let my past dictate my life as a whole.
Now I am moving forward in a direction that is right, a direction that will better me as a whole. Today I went and finished what I need to do to go back to school. This is very important to me, I want to fulfill my dream of becoming a writer. For so long I had someone in my shadow, holding me back, telling me I was not smart enough or good enough, and why did I want to finish school when that was not my place in this world. For so long I had someone belittling me and making me feel as if I was not a whole person, someone who at the drop of a hat, made no hesitation to make me feel like the worst person in the world.
Yes now I can look back at that and say "you know what? It did happen to me, but thanks to you I am now better and stronger, and I will fulfill my dreams". No one, no one will ever hold me back again.
So you see this may seem like a little thing to so many people, but to me this is everything. One of the things I am learning this year is that no matter how things have played out for you in the past, you can always make them better for your future. I still have a very long road ahead of me, and some days are harder than others, but each day brings a new challenge, and a new promise. At least I have my dignity and my freedom back, knowing that some days are hard but I have the support I need to get through each day. This blog is one of my biggest support systems, if not only through my writings, but also through others.
So yet another year has gone, but a much more promising lays just ahead. So yes Happy Birthday to me! So much to be thankful, and grateful for.

Spring Fever

This week is almost over! Thank goodness! Why is it that the beginning of the month is always so hectic? Or maybe its just at my job.
So this week besides being busy is going pretty well, I have some vacation next week and let me just say I am so looking forward to it. I have been hitting the gym pretty hard, summer is just around the corner. Not to mention its a great way to clear my head.
Last week seemed to be a bit of a downer for me, and maybe thats in part to the rain. I am so over the gloomy weather and rain, I am waiting for Mr. Sunshine to show his beautiful face. This week he has! There is something about this time of year that is so promising, spring is like a new beginning. All the beautiful flowers start to pop up, not to mention the aroma they put in the air. There is just something in the air that makes me want to jump up and scream. Ok maybe not that dramatic, but you get my point. The days start getting longer and you know bar-b-que season is just around the corner. Sitting out on the porch watching the sunset, listening the crickets chirruping, feeling that breeze that is just right, just enough to cool you off from the hot day that lies behind you. Ah yes, summer is almost here, and it sounds as if I have a bit of spring fever.
I am sure that many will agree we just can't wait for that warm weather that is just around the corner. Well I do hope everyone is having a fantastic week! I need to get some shut eye, tomorrow is another busy day.

Now Then

Well last night I decided to go out with the boy, and we had a great time, as we always do.... So yes if you read my blog, I think I am eating my words here. Anyhow we went to this place that has everything, blowing, pool, an arcade, food, you name it they have it. Its a little like an adult playground.
So we are getting some more tokens, because we are totally kicking some ass on this game, and there are all these little kids standing around us. I am thinking they are also waiting to get more tokens, but no.... They are wanting ours! No please, just " can I have your tokens". I mean WHAT? Who taught you manners???? If I ever would have done that my mom would have kicked my butt into tomorrow. Now me, I am a little soft, so I was kinda standing there dumbfounded, still in disbelief that these sweet little kids could be such brats, and my boy laughs and tells them no, go ask your mom. Then the little brat calls us a name and walks off.
WTF???? You know if the kid would have been half way decent I would have considered giving him a few tokens, I have a soft spot, but you can at least say please, and the name calling. I was in shock!
So we go play the game we were winning at, and I mean really winning, we had tickets galore. Once again all these little kids were standing around us. Ok fine, I like to watch when people are winning too, but again every 5 seconds, "you should give me your tickets, I want your tickets" No please or WOW that's really cool that you are winning.... Just "give me your tickets".
I am in complete shock that kids act this way, not just one kid but several. Again you taught you manners???
Eventually I did give some of our tickets to two little boys, they were the only ones not begging. And yes, they even said thank you! I have no problem giving my tickets away, I mean the things you can get for them looked way better as a kid anyway. And really we were just having fun. But I do have a problem with the way that some people can act.
All in all it was a fun night, we won and had a great time!