In my last blog I mentioned meeting someone, someone who finally broke down my barrier. I dated this person for a little while and then broke things off to get my-self together. Hey what can I say I was going through an emotional time and he was not making things easy for me. To be fair here my judgment may have been a little clouded by my emotional mind-frame at the time.
As great as he may be sometimes, his immaturity got to me, and some of his comments were just mean. I guess I can't understand why, if you care about someone so much do you have to be disrespectful at times? So I will have to put him at 90% great, 10% asshole. Even as I read this I am thinking, was it really the right thing to push him away? I mean, everyone has their faults right? I know I am in no way perfect. So then why do I insist on dating the perfect person?
Well , cutting him out of my life at that time was the right thing to do, how was I going to deal with problems I had with him if I couldn't even deal with my own problems. As much as it hurt to not have him there I had to get my thoughts and priority's straight.
Well he has been pretty persistent in not being cut out of my life, which makes me think, that hey he does care. We have recently been talking and trying things out again. I am scared, scared of my feelings and getting hurt, but i suppose that I will never know unless I try. We had a long talk and I was honest with him about my concerns and feelings, and I have to admit I was a little surprised buy his as well. He was honest in telling me that I hurt him buy shutting him out the way I did, however he does understand why I had to do what I did.
Seeing him again brought back so many feelings and emotions, and I realized how much I missed him. At the same time I remember why I got so angry at him. Many of my friends are not so happy about me talking to him again, but what can I say, I have to follow my heart. He is not a bad guy, just a little emotionally turned off at times. Again everyone has their faults. My decision here has to be, Do I want to deal with them and except them? More importantly can he do the same for me.
I think to myself that enough time has passed, we both have had some time to think about things and possibly try to work this out. I am having a hard time deciding what to do here, and maybe I am over analyzing the situation. I truley know he cares, but is this what I want? I guess this is something I am going to have to figure out for myself here.
That's a tough one. The heart & mind are always fighting each other. Go with what feels right. I know how it is to miss someone. If you have the chance to make it work, go for it.
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