OK and right now that is all I have to add to this post because I have to think some things over... that can happen some times...
xoxo
Still not a big fan a Valentines Day :)
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Single What....
So I guess I should say something about Valentines Day..... Yes I am single, do I really like the day? No... It was awesome that my dad got me a card and candy, but that was from my dad (I am a daddy's girl). I appreciate the fact that many people out there have loved one's or are in love and need "a day" to celebrate that fact. However what about those of us that really are not looking, or have not found the one? I mean, I have just started a new career and I am really not looking to settle down, but all I hear is "what are you doing for Valentines Day?" When I tell my friends I am studying for my exams they laugh at me... OK Whatever.... What I am trying to say is that in this point in my life there is so much more that I want to achieve than being in a relationship. To me that is not the point of success. It would be nice, but not necessary.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
What If
There is little lost in life except the dreams you had when you were little. Sometimes I find myself wondering what if. But I guess don't we all. I know at my age there is nothing I can really do about my dreams because I am to old to become professionally what it is I dreamed when I was little.
But I gave it up for something new, and I succeeded, and it made me happy for a while, then on to the next. But I have never really regretted anything like I regret this. Now I am in a new profession that is both challenging and rewarding but I would give anything to go back in time and do over the past. Not give up the passion that I felt when I was on stage dancing. I feel that way about writing too. Writing is also something I have done since I was little. But there is so much in life you want to experience when you are young, how do you know what you will regret until you are older? I guess that is the risks we take for the fun or experiences we choose to have. The places that we have been or the people we have become. When it all comes down to it can you say it was worth it?
I think all the time about what might have been, what if. But that is life, it can go in a million different paths. I might not have fallen in love here, or moved, or graduated college, I might still be in my home town. I have no idea. It is crazy to think of where life may have taken you if.....
xoxo
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Friends With Benefits - Booty Call - One Night
Are you ever to old to be making "booty calls"? Do guys/girls (I am going to add in girls here so not to be sexist) really think that the other person is not on to them? You would think that by the time a guy/girl reaches a certain age that they would understand that calling after a certain time is obliviously a calling for a little more than just "hanging out". I am way past my staying up until 3am and partying phase, so why would you call me when you are at work, knowing you do not get off until 2am and want to hang out afterward? NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. (Not personal here)
Although a person may not be looking for anything serious, that does not mean you have to be a doormat either. As Carrie stated in Sex in the City a text after 11pm is a booty call.
So what causes a guy/girl to drive towards this behavior? Is it the person is leading them on, or is it just because they thinks they can? Awe the long history between men and women.....
In my experience, the one night - booty call - friend with benefits thing does not work out well in the long run. It is only human nature that emotions eventually come into play. When that happens usually the booty call/friend with benefits becomes a nightmare. I am not saying it is always the woman who is the bonded one either, the male can be just as capable as "falling" as the woman. So I really write this from two perspectives.
1) - my best friend who is a female - the ultimate player (I actually have a second in mind as well, but she has since settled down). She picks them up and drops them like flies. A little remorse the next day but she moves on pretty quickly. The emotion does not come into play here, my theory - they are just one night stands.
2) My male best friend from high school - he was pretty much with every girl that he laid eyes on (I was NOT included in that). Same as my best friend, no emotional bond, again I think it may have been the one night stand here. However, he was known to have dated a few girls at once and really have no feelings towards any of them (really used to piss me off). Here I don't understand, maybe this is a guy thing, but to me I could see no bond. He would date these girls, as I said a few at a time (sometimes sleeping with 2 in one night) and not care about their feelings. When he was done with them, he was done. Just like that. Moving forward.
However, I also know some really incredible guys who would never do that, but have admitted to the behavior in the past. I myself have been in serious relationships since high school, (OK, there was a brief period where I did have a little fun, but it was brief and in that time I met my ex which lasted 2 years).
My experience with my ex, he moved and we tried or so I thought, anyway it got complicated. Like I said it does not work, to many emotions. I myself feel like I am always the one getting hurt, so I put my foot down, and now I am the bitch. i.e friends with benefits does not work. Especially long distance!
Now lets move on to the famous booty call, There is a specific difference between a booty call and friends with benefits situation. A definition I found for booty call - A 'Booty Call' is when someone specifically calls someone late in the evening for a date,and the whole point in this is for sexual intercourse to end the night.
Whereas with a benefits situation relates to someone you have some type of a relationship with.
Although a person may not be looking for anything serious, that does not mean you have to be a doormat either. As Carrie stated in Sex in the City a text after 11pm is a booty call.
So what causes a guy/girl to drive towards this behavior? Is it the person is leading them on, or is it just because they thinks they can? Awe the long history between men and women.....
In my experience, the one night - booty call - friend with benefits thing does not work out well in the long run. It is only human nature that emotions eventually come into play. When that happens usually the booty call/friend with benefits becomes a nightmare. I am not saying it is always the woman who is the bonded one either, the male can be just as capable as "falling" as the woman. So I really write this from two perspectives.
1) - my best friend who is a female - the ultimate player (I actually have a second in mind as well, but she has since settled down). She picks them up and drops them like flies. A little remorse the next day but she moves on pretty quickly. The emotion does not come into play here, my theory - they are just one night stands.
2) My male best friend from high school - he was pretty much with every girl that he laid eyes on (I was NOT included in that). Same as my best friend, no emotional bond, again I think it may have been the one night stand here. However, he was known to have dated a few girls at once and really have no feelings towards any of them (really used to piss me off). Here I don't understand, maybe this is a guy thing, but to me I could see no bond. He would date these girls, as I said a few at a time (sometimes sleeping with 2 in one night) and not care about their feelings. When he was done with them, he was done. Just like that. Moving forward.
However, I also know some really incredible guys who would never do that, but have admitted to the behavior in the past. I myself have been in serious relationships since high school, (OK, there was a brief period where I did have a little fun, but it was brief and in that time I met my ex which lasted 2 years).
My experience with my ex, he moved and we tried or so I thought, anyway it got complicated. Like I said it does not work, to many emotions. I myself feel like I am always the one getting hurt, so I put my foot down, and now I am the bitch. i.e friends with benefits does not work. Especially long distance!
Now lets move on to the famous booty call, There is a specific difference between a booty call and friends with benefits situation. A definition I found for booty call - A 'Booty Call' is when someone specifically calls someone late in the evening for a date,and the whole point in this is for sexual intercourse to end the night.
Whereas with a benefits situation relates to someone you have some type of a relationship with.
Anyways
so I think that it is established that
the Booty Call lives in a attractive grey area somewhere between the
one-night-stand and the relationship and serves to stream consenting adults
with a high-energy sexual release without the baggage and time involved in
dating. Believe it or not here are the rules......
1. Brunch is the Enemy of the Booty Call
This may seem a little harsh, Once you're done, get up, get dressed and go home. If you're having a Booty Call because you don't want to sleep alone, you're in dangerous territory and emotional involvement is lurking somewhere around the corner. If you end up sleeping over, there's only one place for things to go and that's brunch. Brunch is the enemy of the Booty Call. You didn't make the call because you wanted to chat over a cup of coffee. Your friends can supply you with that.
2. No Timetables
Do not call your Booty Call and make solid plans. Bad move! The key to successful Booty Calling is to keep things uncomplicated, relaxed and elastic. If you make the call on a schedule, things are going to get very stale very fast. And if you wanted stale sex, you would just go ahead and get married . DO NOT THINK RELATIONSHIP!
3. No Meeting in Public
Again, this may seem a little harsh, but this rule is definitely a good one to follow. Remember this: meeting in public is called "a date." You should only live in an erotic fantasy world that doesn't exist outside of the bedroom.
4. Look Good
Just because it's not a date you're still going to have to make an effort to look and smell good. Make sure your Booty Calls get accepted by staying on top of your appearance. After all, letting things slide with the way you present yourself is for those people in long-term relationships.
5. Expect Nothing
If your Booty call stops calling you or stops accepting your calls, don't take it personally. Remember, it was never a personal relationship to begin with.
Just because it's not a date you're still going to have to make an effort to look and smell good. Make sure your Booty Calls get accepted by staying on top of your appearance. After all, letting things slide with the way you present yourself is for those people in long-term relationships.
5. Expect Nothing
If your Booty call stops calling you or stops accepting your calls, don't take it personally. Remember, it was never a personal relationship to begin with.
6. Be Open & Honest
I know this sounds dangerously like "relationship talk" but trust me, as long as you know where things stand right off the top, and then you won't have to deal with any real relationship talks later on. Just be tactful and make sure that you're both on the same page.
7. Be Safe
It's the 21st century: should I really have to go into this? Just remember to protect yourself so you can enjoy Booty Calls well into your golden years. Seriously people be on top of this one!
8. Timing
No calls before 9:30 pm. No calls after 1:30 am. The Booty Call is definitely not for everyone. You have to be able to draw a distinction between the emotional and the sexual. But if you do it right, the good times are guaranteed. Just remember: don't call collect.
I know this sounds dangerously like "relationship talk" but trust me, as long as you know where things stand right off the top, and then you won't have to deal with any real relationship talks later on. Just be tactful and make sure that you're both on the same page.
7. Be Safe
It's the 21st century: should I really have to go into this? Just remember to protect yourself so you can enjoy Booty Calls well into your golden years. Seriously people be on top of this one!
8. Timing
No calls before 9:30 pm. No calls after 1:30 am. The Booty Call is definitely not for everyone. You have to be able to draw a distinction between the emotional and the sexual. But if you do it right, the good times are guaranteed. Just remember: don't call collect.
So who would have ever thought there would be rules to the whole subject matter, but there you go!
I will end on this note, for all - don't be a doormat, don't let anyone take advantage of you. People can be asses. Make sure you are on the same page with the person with whom you are involved with. The most important person is you and if you are going to do any of the one nighters - friends with benefits - or be a booty call or be the caller remember the rules.
xoxo
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Guilty or Innocent
I have to wonder why is it that people always say that the justice system will work for you. If you are innocent you will be proven so, and if not, well, off you go. I have had a little trouble recently with a little trouble I got into a long time ago. The thing is I didn't really get into trouble if this makes any sense at all. I was arrested and let go because I was innocent, end of story. At the time the police were trying to make an example out of kids caught doing ecstasy, and fortunately for me, I was not. I just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. However the arrest as I found out is on my record for life.
What I don't understand is, why put the arrest on your record but not the outcome? I mean I haven't been in trouble since, nor was I prosecuted then and all charges were dropped. But does my record show that? Not a chance. So what have I had to do? Go back to a state that I no longer live in and try to get a letter from the courts where there is no record of me because the case never went to court. A BIG HASSLE! Not to mention an embarrassment for me in having to explain all of this to my new boss.
So my question is this, why do they not put this information on your record? And why do they treat you so horribly when you try to get something stating you are in fact innocent when those people can clearly see that you are? I mean people are always saying how criminals are repeat offenders and "will they make it out in society". So why do you make it so hard for any of us, those who are innocent, and even those who are not.
I can absolutely see now why criminals repeat their offences, it is much easier for them to go back then to face the ridicule. I was treated like crap and I didn't even do anything, I can only imagine what it is like for those that actually did commit a crime.
If you want people to be productive in life shouldn't you be the ones helping them, and if you don't like your job, then get a new one, instead of acting like a complete ass to those of us that are trying to make something out of our lives. I have worked very hard to get where I am today, and for you to treat me like a complete idiot is wrong.
If you choose to work in the court systems or for the police and I understand that you may know the statistics better than me, but to stereo type all individuals is biased, especially in your line of work. You people of all people should know innocence until proven guilty, or be able to weed the bad from the good. If you have gotten to the point where you hate your job, and you see all people as bad, it is time to retire or find a new job (I will add this is the case in any profession).
I believe that our systems should be better, if you have the time to make an arrest record for someone, then you should have the time to complete that record to show the outcome, guilty or innocent. It would save a lot of time, money and maybe some peoples sanity.
So my question is this, why do they not put this information on your record? And why do they treat you so horribly when you try to get something stating you are in fact innocent when those people can clearly see that you are? I mean people are always saying how criminals are repeat offenders and "will they make it out in society". So why do you make it so hard for any of us, those who are innocent, and even those who are not.
I can absolutely see now why criminals repeat their offences, it is much easier for them to go back then to face the ridicule. I was treated like crap and I didn't even do anything, I can only imagine what it is like for those that actually did commit a crime.
If you want people to be productive in life shouldn't you be the ones helping them, and if you don't like your job, then get a new one, instead of acting like a complete ass to those of us that are trying to make something out of our lives. I have worked very hard to get where I am today, and for you to treat me like a complete idiot is wrong.
If you choose to work in the court systems or for the police and I understand that you may know the statistics better than me, but to stereo type all individuals is biased, especially in your line of work. You people of all people should know innocence until proven guilty, or be able to weed the bad from the good. If you have gotten to the point where you hate your job, and you see all people as bad, it is time to retire or find a new job (I will add this is the case in any profession).
I believe that our systems should be better, if you have the time to make an arrest record for someone, then you should have the time to complete that record to show the outcome, guilty or innocent. It would save a lot of time, money and maybe some peoples sanity.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Gone another Year
2011 is coming to a close and this year unlike so many in the past has brought changes that I have never thought possible. As I sit here and wait for my best friend I can't help but remember a New Year's Eve long ago that was with someone special that is now gone. I would give anything to have him here now, but as life goes on so must I. It's funny how many New Year's Eve's I have spent and that is the only one I can really seem to remember clearly (not because I was out of it :) But because I was with so many people I cared about. All of whom are now far away, some in heaven. That one night was special, we were all together, happy, and having fun. Yet we were so young and had no idea of what lie ahead of any of us. If I only knew then what I know now I would have held on just a little tighter, for just a little longer.
But like then, it is in the past, and so is this last year and I have to learn to let the things that hurt go and move forward to what is waiting tomorrow. If there is one thing I have learned in these past two years, life is short, and unexpected. You truly do not know what is going to happen, or when it is going to end.
I have my resolutions, but I have them written down for me. I will not post them here, they are mine to accomplish or change.
Life is one big fishbowl, a looking glass, a trampoline. Whatever it is I am glad I get to live it. Though it has been hard, I have some pretty incredible people who have been there for me along the way. All they have taught me I have grown through them, and even though we are all spread out now, I love them still.
So here is to 2012, I have no idea what is in store for me, but I have learned to expect the unexpected. There is no such thing as stable.
Happy New Year!
xoxo
But like then, it is in the past, and so is this last year and I have to learn to let the things that hurt go and move forward to what is waiting tomorrow. If there is one thing I have learned in these past two years, life is short, and unexpected. You truly do not know what is going to happen, or when it is going to end.
I have my resolutions, but I have them written down for me. I will not post them here, they are mine to accomplish or change.
Life is one big fishbowl, a looking glass, a trampoline. Whatever it is I am glad I get to live it. Though it has been hard, I have some pretty incredible people who have been there for me along the way. All they have taught me I have grown through them, and even though we are all spread out now, I love them still.
So here is to 2012, I have no idea what is in store for me, but I have learned to expect the unexpected. There is no such thing as stable.
Happy New Year!
xoxo
Friday, December 30, 2011
Reach or Settle
Moving on in life from the past can be hard, and when do you know that you are ready to move on?
I watch the show "How I Met Your Mother" and the other night there was an interesting point brought up. Robin and Ted told Marshall that there is always a reacher and a settler in a relationship. Do you think this is the case? That one person settles in the relationship, while the other reaches for that person? Point taken on a few of my past relationships. The reason, plain and simple-loneliness. However, now that I have been single for the better part of two years and have had no time for any type of relationship I am starting to wonder if I am heading in the direction of settling again.....
I am in a position to start my life over and have the career of my dreams, do I want distract myself with a distraction? I have always been a high achiever and once I set my mind on something, everything else gets put on the back burner, which brings me back to my first point. Am I ready to move on, or is this just an excuse? Being alone is something that I have learned to live with, and having a full time relationship just seems like to much work. Not ready to "settle" or just not the right person?
My parents are patiently waiting for grand-kids from me and my brother, they had no idea that both of us would turn out to be so involved in school and work. Always reaching for that next big thing. I feel bad, I am just not sure if I will ever have kids, as for my younger brother, that's a whole other ball game. I am not saying that I want to live the high life, but I get bored easy. I do not want the white picket fence, Subaru, 2.5 kids and split level house, with a dog, so to speak. I want to live my life the way I want to live it and find someone who shares my interests. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that having those things is bad, for some that is their dream, and that is OK, it's just not my dream.
For the last five or six years I kinda of did things for other people, and did what was expected. I got stuck in a rut, a bad rut. Then I had a few eye opening experiences that brought me reeling back to reality, and I now have a second chance to actually do this for me and my life, after all I have to live it right? So I can't settle for what might be good now, just because. I am not a settler, I am a reacher. I do not need a distraction that has no real interest in my life, or I should say my interests. I am getting old enough now that I can't waste someone else's time, it's not fair to them, nor me. If I am going to give my self to someone it needs to be to someone who wants to experience life with me, because right now I don't know where I am going. I know one thing for sure, I have an opportunity of a lifetime with a career that I have always wanted, and that is something I can not give up.
So decision is to reach.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Integrity at Stake, As a New Life Begins
"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left" ~Hubert Humphrey
There are times in life when your integrity is at stake, your dreams of tomorrow that may seem shattered, or a piece of you that was hurt to the point of tears and heartbreak. We are all human, we will cause heartbreak, as well as experience it.
My question is what is the cost of your integrity? A friendship, a climb up a shared hierarchy? Your religious ethics? How far would you go to end the path of a trusted comradeship, which was invested in for years?
Sycophant: A mean-spirited brown-nosing social climber who would not hesitate to step on those who helped brings them to the top.
Brown-Noser: One who is excessively eager to please another in order to win favor or personal gain.
"The hedonic-treadmill theory says every time you achieve a goal, you set your sights on the next one, if your main goal is high status, you won't enjoy it once you're there.” (Art Markman, a University of Texas psychologist) Ladder climbing, winning favor, by stepping on people to get status, can be a case of low self-esteem, or be motivated by increasing merit.
I hesitate to use the word backstabber here, instead use the words morally wrong – unethical, flexible morals, seeing what is wrong and right as they see fit, when it suits them.
Can a person hold their head up high, as they take credit for work they no longer do, or look a person in the face and lie, set them on a path that ruins their credibility? Personality type Machiavellian typically categorized as "High Mach".
Social climbers suck up because, it often works. Status in any group is based on two key things: what you can bring to the table and how much you are willing to self-sacrifice. Interesting thought and a scary practice if you are on the side of the target.
There is an upside, although a person’s integrity may be at stake, if that person knows in their heart they did the right thing, they can walk with their head held high. A heart may have been broken, a friendship may have been dissolved, and a character may have been tarnished, but what is right is right. There is no black and white, owning up to a mistake is hard, but admitting to lie you did not commit is going against values that are strongly believed in.
A door is opened; new opportunities arise, and a new life begins. Although it is scary, God has a plan for everyone. Moving forward to grow and prosper, and not hold back is the only option for the future.
There will always be that person who has the “flexible morals” and will sacrifice their integrity to gain their needs over others. Eventually that strong yearning to be liked and admired, will fade, people will see that person for who they are.
On a personal note, I believe the truth will set you free, my parents have always taught me that, it may be a challenging path along the way, but will lead to happiness, and my values will be with me always.
“Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power” ~ Blaine Lee
There are times in life when your integrity is at stake, your dreams of tomorrow that may seem shattered, or a piece of you that was hurt to the point of tears and heartbreak. We are all human, we will cause heartbreak, as well as experience it.
My question is what is the cost of your integrity? A friendship, a climb up a shared hierarchy? Your religious ethics? How far would you go to end the path of a trusted comradeship, which was invested in for years?
Sycophant: A mean-spirited brown-nosing social climber who would not hesitate to step on those who helped brings them to the top.
Brown-Noser: One who is excessively eager to please another in order to win favor or personal gain.
"The hedonic-treadmill theory says every time you achieve a goal, you set your sights on the next one, if your main goal is high status, you won't enjoy it once you're there.” (Art Markman, a University of Texas psychologist) Ladder climbing, winning favor, by stepping on people to get status, can be a case of low self-esteem, or be motivated by increasing merit.
I hesitate to use the word backstabber here, instead use the words morally wrong – unethical, flexible morals, seeing what is wrong and right as they see fit, when it suits them.
Can a person hold their head up high, as they take credit for work they no longer do, or look a person in the face and lie, set them on a path that ruins their credibility? Personality type Machiavellian typically categorized as "High Mach".
Social climbers suck up because, it often works. Status in any group is based on two key things: what you can bring to the table and how much you are willing to self-sacrifice. Interesting thought and a scary practice if you are on the side of the target.
There is an upside, although a person’s integrity may be at stake, if that person knows in their heart they did the right thing, they can walk with their head held high. A heart may have been broken, a friendship may have been dissolved, and a character may have been tarnished, but what is right is right. There is no black and white, owning up to a mistake is hard, but admitting to lie you did not commit is going against values that are strongly believed in.
A door is opened; new opportunities arise, and a new life begins. Although it is scary, God has a plan for everyone. Moving forward to grow and prosper, and not hold back is the only option for the future.
There will always be that person who has the “flexible morals” and will sacrifice their integrity to gain their needs over others. Eventually that strong yearning to be liked and admired, will fade, people will see that person for who they are.
On a personal note, I believe the truth will set you free, my parents have always taught me that, it may be a challenging path along the way, but will lead to happiness, and my values will be with me always.
“Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power” ~ Blaine Lee
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