Although a person may not be looking for anything serious, that does not mean you have to be a doormat either. As Carrie stated in Sex in the City a text after 11pm is a booty call.
So what causes a guy/girl to drive towards this behavior? Is it the person is leading them on, or is it just because they thinks they can? Awe the long history between men and women.....
In my experience, the one night - booty call - friend with benefits thing does not work out well in the long run. It is only human nature that emotions eventually come into play. When that happens usually the booty call/friend with benefits becomes a nightmare. I am not saying it is always the woman who is the bonded one either, the male can be just as capable as "falling" as the woman. So I really write this from two perspectives.
1) - my best friend who is a female - the ultimate player (I actually have a second in mind as well, but she has since settled down). She picks them up and drops them like flies. A little remorse the next day but she moves on pretty quickly. The emotion does not come into play here, my theory - they are just one night stands.
2) My male best friend from high school - he was pretty much with every girl that he laid eyes on (I was NOT included in that). Same as my best friend, no emotional bond, again I think it may have been the one night stand here. However, he was known to have dated a few girls at once and really have no feelings towards any of them (really used to piss me off). Here I don't understand, maybe this is a guy thing, but to me I could see no bond. He would date these girls, as I said a few at a time (sometimes sleeping with 2 in one night) and not care about their feelings. When he was done with them, he was done. Just like that. Moving forward.
However, I also know some really incredible guys who would never do that, but have admitted to the behavior in the past. I myself have been in serious relationships since high school, (OK, there was a brief period where I did have a little fun, but it was brief and in that time I met my ex which lasted 2 years).
My experience with my ex, he moved and we tried or so I thought, anyway it got complicated. Like I said it does not work, to many emotions. I myself feel like I am always the one getting hurt, so I put my foot down, and now I am the bitch. i.e friends with benefits does not work. Especially long distance!
Now lets move on to the famous booty call, There is a specific difference between a booty call and friends with benefits situation. A definition I found for booty call - A 'Booty Call' is when someone specifically calls someone late in the evening for a date,and the whole point in this is for sexual intercourse to end the night.
Whereas with a benefits situation relates to someone you have some type of a relationship with.
Anyways
so I think that it is established that
the Booty Call lives in a attractive grey area somewhere between the
one-night-stand and the relationship and serves to stream consenting adults
with a high-energy sexual release without the baggage and time involved in
dating. Believe it or not here are the rules......
1. Brunch is the Enemy of the Booty Call
This may seem a little harsh, Once you're done, get up, get dressed and go home. If you're having a Booty Call because you don't want to sleep alone, you're in dangerous territory and emotional involvement is lurking somewhere around the corner. If you end up sleeping over, there's only one place for things to go and that's brunch. Brunch is the enemy of the Booty Call. You didn't make the call because you wanted to chat over a cup of coffee. Your friends can supply you with that.
2. No Timetables
Do not call your Booty Call and make solid plans. Bad move! The key to successful Booty Calling is to keep things uncomplicated, relaxed and elastic. If you make the call on a schedule, things are going to get very stale very fast. And if you wanted stale sex, you would just go ahead and get married . DO NOT THINK RELATIONSHIP!
3. No Meeting in Public
Again, this may seem a little harsh, but this rule is definitely a good one to follow. Remember this: meeting in public is called "a date." You should only live in an erotic fantasy world that doesn't exist outside of the bedroom.
4. Look Good
Just because it's not a date you're still going to have to make an effort to look and smell good. Make sure your Booty Calls get accepted by staying on top of your appearance. After all, letting things slide with the way you present yourself is for those people in long-term relationships.
5. Expect Nothing
If your Booty call stops calling you or stops accepting your calls, don't take it personally. Remember, it was never a personal relationship to begin with.
Just because it's not a date you're still going to have to make an effort to look and smell good. Make sure your Booty Calls get accepted by staying on top of your appearance. After all, letting things slide with the way you present yourself is for those people in long-term relationships.
5. Expect Nothing
If your Booty call stops calling you or stops accepting your calls, don't take it personally. Remember, it was never a personal relationship to begin with.
6. Be Open & Honest
I know this sounds dangerously like "relationship talk" but trust me, as long as you know where things stand right off the top, and then you won't have to deal with any real relationship talks later on. Just be tactful and make sure that you're both on the same page.
7. Be Safe
It's the 21st century: should I really have to go into this? Just remember to protect yourself so you can enjoy Booty Calls well into your golden years. Seriously people be on top of this one!
8. Timing
No calls before 9:30 pm. No calls after 1:30 am. The Booty Call is definitely not for everyone. You have to be able to draw a distinction between the emotional and the sexual. But if you do it right, the good times are guaranteed. Just remember: don't call collect.
I know this sounds dangerously like "relationship talk" but trust me, as long as you know where things stand right off the top, and then you won't have to deal with any real relationship talks later on. Just be tactful and make sure that you're both on the same page.
7. Be Safe
It's the 21st century: should I really have to go into this? Just remember to protect yourself so you can enjoy Booty Calls well into your golden years. Seriously people be on top of this one!
8. Timing
No calls before 9:30 pm. No calls after 1:30 am. The Booty Call is definitely not for everyone. You have to be able to draw a distinction between the emotional and the sexual. But if you do it right, the good times are guaranteed. Just remember: don't call collect.
So who would have ever thought there would be rules to the whole subject matter, but there you go!
I will end on this note, for all - don't be a doormat, don't let anyone take advantage of you. People can be asses. Make sure you are on the same page with the person with whom you are involved with. The most important person is you and if you are going to do any of the one nighters - friends with benefits - or be a booty call or be the caller remember the rules.
xoxo
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