I believe
it all started with F’s b-day, technically it was March, and it was snowing
pretty hard that night, but from there it was ON! American Reunion!!! LOVED IT!
Florence and the Machine (HIGHLIGHT), The
Clark County Fair on to Out of Bounds, headed to B’s apt where we went drunk
swimming in the pool and decided to shave B’s chest (THAT WAS AWESOME!)- the
same night a security wanna be cop comes up to us and asks if we were in the
pool, All of us shaking our heads no - as we are ALL soaking wet, some of the
boys in swimming trunks, and then drunk, stupid me showing him my wrist
bracelet and telling him “we were at the fair officer” as Eli (a boy we met) is
brushing my wet hair! The wanna be security cop told us to have a good night
and left. THE BEACH BOYS – Wouldn't it Be Nice!!! Going Bat Shit Crazy
on UMM!?!?!, MAGIC MIKE – YEAH BUDDY –
CAN WE SAY CHANNING TATUM!!!!, J Punching some boy outside the Atrium, CHICAGO
– If You Leave Me Now you’ll take away the very heart of me, NOOO
BAAAABY, PLEASE DON’T GO!!!! Alabama Boy, Seattle Boy, The son of a
preacher buying J drinks, Getting X’d at
the bar before I got in, Mystery Boy in the Car (where the hell did he come
from?!?!?), Levi & Eli and The missing tooth, 80’s night at Dixies, and the
boys – STIFFLER AND PAULY-D, Harvey’s Comedy Club – The Benson, Beer run Over
the Bridge, WTF?!?!?, WAIT -actually many beer runs (or races) after the club
closed – to get the cheapest, most horrible beer available for whatever we were doing afterwards, Fun
Run to some house in the middle of Where?!?!
Huh? Me deciding to go to the beach with J@%&* at a drunk moment
and then actually doing it, (this consisted of leaving at 6am the next morning),
Sex Party, sorry Pure Romance?? Party, Oh so MANY fun things there…. Too bad I
haven’t gotten to use them! – Energy drink with Alcohol that turned your mouth
completely BLUE (that was a bitch trying to get your mouth clean), A Pick
up line that I not going to repeat here, but it is ABSOLUTELY worth a mention ,Girl + Boy talking shit to me
and J – saying not very nice things AT ALL! END OF SUMMER BEACH TRIP! So much Fun, Drunkenness, MR peeing in the bushes, j &
MR REFLECTING ON THE WATER, MR freaking out about the water, then AD doing the
same… AD TEACHING US CARDS GAMES COMPLETELY WASTED. If you asked me now I couldn't tell you how to play or what the name of the card games were. Half the time I
had no idea what I was doing when I was playing. You’ll have to ask J about my
sleeping habits…There are some things left out. Some of you know exactly what
they are, but let’s
not tell! that’s why they were left
out!
~EPIC SUMMER OF 2012~
2012 has given me an amazing opportunity; my writing has finally received some
recognition! I first was asked for some of my work to be featured on a website
that was showcasing “promising” writers. I had two of my “darker” pieces
featured there (a non-fiction short story about an event earlier in my life, and
a piece about Jose). From there I was
asked by a literary online magazine to submit some of my work, they published
two of my poems and another short story (the poems were a love piece that I was
inspired to write and the other was the same piece I wrote about Jose, the
short story was a fictional piece about abuse). The day I found out they would
be publishing my work, was one the best days in my life. To write all your life
and to have a professional tell you, that not only are you a good writer but you
also have a natural talent is a feeling I will never be able to explain. It’s
almost like having an awesome dream, waking up and realizing he is lying right
next to you. (If you have ever been lucky enough to be in love to have
experienced that.)The domino effect was luck maybe? Now I am currently working
with a publishing company (honestly I have no idea where this is going, and there
have been some hiccups with this). I have a lot of work to do for my work to be
published in my own book. So I joined a writing group run by a publisher who,
herself has eight published books, her last one a #1 best seller. This group
has helped me grow tremendously as a writer. Meeting in person with a group is
very different as opposed to meeting by phone, or online, the constructive criticism
on your work is harder to take in person. Also getting the opportunity to work
with a publisher who reads and critiques our work is a chance that doesn't come
around often. Working with this group has given me the support I need to make
that final step happen to get my book published. Finally, the literary magazine
that published my poems and short story offered me a spot in their “elite”
writing group for the magazine. The amazing part of this group is I get to
expand on my creative writing skills by writing completely out of my genre. For
different writing sessions every month, the writing sessions can be anything –
from Shakespearians sonnets to a monostich to a story, i.e. fantasy, science
fiction, non-fiction – you get the idea. After your work is submitted at the
deadline, the best pieces are chosen, critiqued by other writers and then
published in the magazine. It is an honor to be chosen to be in this group, for
exposure and talent alone as there are talented writers in the group. The
process for entry is like applying for college (after you are asked) and spaces
are limited you are still not guaranteed a spot!
Though there were good
things that happened in 2012, having my writing recognized is the most amazing
thing that has happened to me, not only this year, but maybe so far in my life.
But my writing is what kept me going and got me through this year. I have no
idea if my writing is going to end up as a career or if it stays more of a
hobby - but at least I can say that I had a few pieces published. One thing I always dreamed for! Starting me out in 2013 my fantasy
short story will be published in the February Edition.
2012 also brought some
new struggles for me (what year doesn't have challenges and struggles). There
have been those pesky medical issues that just don’t seem to want to go away. Focusing
on the good, I am not going to go into them here. If you know me well enough
you know about 95% of it all. My friends I love you dearly but there are
some things that are just not your business, therefore I don’t tell you EVERYTHING!
Imagine that, I know how to keep my mouth shut!
And then
there is a decision I have been struggling with for a while….
Do I stay or Do I
go?
I have gotten to a
point in living here that I feel stuck, claustrophobic,
and I realized that no matter where I was nothing would have changed. That will
make sense to some of you. I began to question my move out here in the first place.
Being the irrational person I am, I ALMOST moved
to San Diego this summer - but reality kicked in. For reasons that are a big
part of my life San Diego would not be a practical place for me to live at this
time in my life. (I am actually OK being
out of my comfort zone. I moved out here leaving all of my friends and starting
over. So the fear of moving somewhere and not knowing anyone was not enough of a
reason to keep me back)
I don’t believe in fate
anymore, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. (Maybe that’s the
same thing). I do think that we sometimes cross paths with certain people or
hear/see something that opens ours eyes. Or maybe we just don’t forget who we
really are inside.
My friend M said
something to me yesterday, she said, well demanded - To
start living for me, and stop caring what everyone (a few people, in particular)
else thought. And that I SHOULD be selfish, and take care of myself first. What exactly was I still doing here?
I had to laugh; she
knew exactly what she was saying and why she was saying it. Again making me
think, what am I still doing here?
~ GOODBYE 2012 ~
You made me cry, You made
Me laugh, But it’s time to
MOVE ON
I need to be practical
in my decisions; I also need to think practical. I need to live in the present –
not the past, and not worry about the future, but planning the future.
I want to go back to
Grad School and I AM going back, it has ALWAYS been my priority to do
so.
I know that things change,
I am not 24, neither are any of my friends.
In 7 ½ years, I have grown
and changed, I need to accept that my friends have too.
Now that I have accepted
the fact that I am not happy, I am the only person who can change the situation
I am in.
My biggest priority is
me, M is right, regardless of who thinks I am selfish, I need to take care of ME first. If I can be happy, then everything else will fall into
place.
I gave it my best shot!
I have no regrets; there is a lesson in everything that life hands you.
Lastly - What am I
still doing here?
I am a little scared/nervous
and I am curious how the next few months are going to play out. There is one
other thing I also believe . . . You get what you
truly want, so 2013
bring it on!
~~~ HAPPY 2013 ~~~
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