Who Are We/You to Blame When Things Go Horribly Wrong?

*** Sorry for the delay in this post, as I was writing, more information became available, and so did my opinion ***

The shootings on Friday, 12/14/2012 at Sandy Hook Elementary School and all the mass shooting that have occurred leading to up to Friday, have been devastating, words can’t even explain the pain and evil. They have affected so many people, If not personally, then emotionally. It is unimaginable that someone could ever kill, especially innocent children and in some cases their own parents, or anyone for that matter.

In days after the shootings I have seen conversations, theories and new talk about what needs to be looked at and done to ensure this never happens again. I personally was involved in an emotional debate defending mental illness. Which seems to be a hot topic after a blog was posted from a mother perspective whose child suffers from a severe case that the doctors have been unable to diagnose. The blog post titled I am Adam Lanza's Mother, by Liza Long. 

After engaging in the thread, defending mental health and those who suffer from it (the conversation was actually was very civilized and we were both able to see where each side was coming from, it was educational on both ends). I received a lot of private messages that were extremely rude and hateful. Prior and after the conversation I was seeing a lot of conversations taking place everywhere and many people don’t understand why this issue is painful and close to my heart. It is frustrating for me to see all the misinformation, ignorance and stigmas that people still place on mental illness. Believing that people suffering from a mental illness are all placed under 1 umbrella - harmful, crazy, and just like the horrible people that committed these crimes.

Then of course there has been the gun debate. We see it every time something horrible happens. People from both sides getting in heated arguments, posting pictures and so on. I wanted to share what I saw when I opened my email, this was to my sent to my personal email, but I was still shocked at the bluntness of the first sentence -”After the shooter Adam Lanza, no one is more to blame for the massacre of 20 first graders and six adults (not including 2 others, the mother of Adam Lanza and Adam Lanza who shot himself) at the Sandy Hook Elementary School than the National Rifle Association. In order to stop the senseless killing we must first stop the NRA". Now I have heard similar words after Columbine, and the shootings at the Movie Theater in Denver and all the other shooting that have taken place, I have to admit I am a little dizzy! There is talk of guns, rifles, semi-automatic weapons and legislation going into place, then the President(s) getting up on national television talking about the senseless tragedy and vowing to put stricter gun laws into place. Yet Since the Columbine shooting there has been no Federal legislation passed, even after the 2011 shootings of AZ Rep Gabrielle Giffords. However Congress did pass a law tightening restrictions on gun ownership, in 2007 following the mass shooting at Virginia Tech, In addition the federal screening database would be expanded for potential gun purchasers to include more than 2 million individuals who are barred from owning them (guns) due to felonies or mental illness. (The down side there is not enough money to perform background checks…) Before this several mass shootings occurred in the 1980’s and early 90’ prompting congress to pass a ban on assault rifles in 1994, unfortunately that ban expired in 2004. Of course congress has been trying to get it re-instated, without success. Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif is working on a new version of the ban on assault rifles, with some extra provisions, it is planned to be introduced in January 2013. Will it pass? Maybe. With the recent shootings there is more hope that tighter restrictions on assault weapons will be put into place, thus far all legislation has failed to pass any new laws despite the promises of the Presidents and congress who have vowed to do so after every tragic shooting. People strongly believe that guns are the major factor in the mass shootings that have occurred. This brings me to something I would like to address next. 

The one thing I have not heard people say is - I blame Adam Lanza, James Holmes, Jared Loughner, Seung-Hui Cho, Eric Harris, and Dylan Kelbold.  Why Not, after all they were the shooters; they were the ones that committed the crimes. Why are we not holding them accountable? Why is there not more conversation about their guilt and their clear center role in pulling the trigger? No one talks about the person behind the gun, just the gun itself. Also, why is it that we don’t know much about the shooters past? Sure, the media reports they had issues, or how they obtained the guns – feeding into the frenzy of people’s emotions. After that little is revealed unless you do some research, or listen to more detailed accounts. So I would you think about this - Eric Harris and Dylan Kelbold (Columbine), had their massacre planned for a year, not a spontaneous act. They knew exactly what they were doing and how. They had made and tested bombs to ensure they would work, went target practice shooting and had a map of the school.  Eric had a diary he kept detailing his plans, and both made a videos to the countdown of April 20, 1999, the massacre. They had no intention of coming out of that school alive.  James Holmes (Aurora Theater) also had his shooting planed, his apartment was set up with so many bombs, and trip wires it took the police and bomb squad days to dismantle and get in. He had music playing that was timed to shut off at a certain time. He too had bought guns in advance. Police found letters indicating Jared Loughner had planned on shooting Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, he had met her in 2007, 4 years earlier! Seung-Hui Cho (Virginia Tech) started purchasing guns in February and March from gun dealers, then purchasing special bullets on-line. When police searched his dorm they found a note in which he criticized "rich kids", "debauchery" and "deceitful charlatans" and you stated they him to do this”. He also sent a photo of the hollow point bullets to NBC News with the caption "All the [shit] you've given me, right back at you with hollow points." He also made a video. Police concluded that he had planned this for months, after the shooting had happened in April.

I am by no means saying that gun control and mental illness are not issues we need to ignore or have a serious discussion about; it is obvious that each of these individuals had problems. But each of them also gave off clear warning signs and no one did anything until it was too late. I am not going to go into a debate about gun control or mental illness or other factors in this blog, I will say this, it is time to start placing BLAME on the PERSONS who commit this acts, and to stop with Complete and all of the blame on guns, mental illness and other factors, these people clearly knew what they were doing. When I saw the threads the last few days there were more conversations and pictures about - guns killing more people, protecting our 2nd amendment rights, mental illness, blaming parents and so on, and here and there were picture’s about the victims and remembering them.  It’s the victims we need to remember.  If we must talk about the issues that are behind the persons that commit these crimes, let’s talk about the education of gun control and mental illness. I hate to say it but none of these issues are going away, and as much as we don’t want this, it is likely this will happen again. The best we can do is start educating people, on both gun control and mental illness. Yes some stricter laws are needed, but guns will be around regardless, people will still get guns.  We as a society need to educate those around us on gun control and safety and then we need start helping people understand mental illness so people can get over their ignorance and stigma’s and realize not everyone suffering from a mental health issues are a danger to society. It’s not about taking guns away or locking people up with mental illness, it’s about helping those with problems and learning to recognize the signs of danger, reporting it, and taking the reports seriously. Regardless of the report, it is better to be safe than sorry. This is what failed in almost every situation in all of the shooters talked about above. 

As of this morning 12/23/2012, the NRA has re-affirmed their statement from Friday. Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the NRA spoke stating that arming schools and placing guards at schools was going to cut down on shootings. I am still not sure how I feel about arming teachers. LaPierre did also state that it is the criminals we need to look at, and we need to keep them off the street, also repeating getting the mentally unstable the help they need. The NRA will not support any new gun legislation, stating that the laws we have now are being enforced - Which I have to agree on that one. However, I would like to see the assaults weapons ban go back into force that expired back in 2004. Why there is an expiration on a law such as that is beyond me.... So in the New Year I am curious to see how congress and the NRA will work together. We all know that the NRA is in the politicians pockets.. If you didn't know that, it's time you woke up!

.  

You should NEVER have to defend who you are and your beliefs because of the acts of someone whose has crossed a threshold that most of us have never imagined (to commit these heinous crimes) and lose your friends in the process.

xoxo

~ Walking in the Rain, is Nothing Compared to Standing in the Eye of the Storm ~

December 14, 2012

It has been a bittersweet week for me, my 1st fantasy piece was chosen for my literary writing group. It was chosen not only for the group session review but also for publication. I put my heart and soul into writing this piece - working late, sacrificing sleep, editing and re-working to meet the deadline. It was one of the most challenging pieces of writing I have ever written. Not sure I was going to be able to do this, I confided this to a trusted adult on Monday, knowing writing was a big part of my life and I had not written anything in a while. She said to me “I heard the great writers go to their pencils, or computers and just start writing, even if they have nothing to write about. Are you giving up something you love and have a talent for? If so, what was it all for?” I responded that I still wrote in my journal. She laughed (I was a little taken aback). She looked at me again, and responded “everyone writes in a journal, those are your personal thoughts, not your talent, or are you settling for ordinary? I am disappointed in you Katy; I have never known you to give up, or settle. This is your passion, you were blessed with this, giving up would be giving in to someone you’re not.” I left angry. The more I thought about what she said, the angrier I became. Ordinary, disappointed, settle, is she serious? So I went home looking at my notebook seeing my character outline and I started writing. I didn’t stop. Soon I had over 1700 words and I wasn’t finished – guidelines clearly stated – Fantasy Story in 1000 words or less. So came the editing and re-working. But the amazing part, she was right, I just needed that push. I was not expecting anything from the group; considering I cut out so many things. As the session went up, and I received the email, it was what I needed to start writing again. At the advice and help of another friend I am working to take this to level where I can develop all of the characters and storyline. I am writing out of my element, and I am excited about it.

December 11, 2012

I went to see yet another Dr, one I had seen before (Thankfully!) One thing I like about specialists is that they take the time to listen to you, and are not pushing you out of the office in 20 minutes. After a long discussion of all the options we had exhausted to relieve one of my pain sources, I knew there was only one option left. I was not excited about the option, but we had discussed this over a year ago. I told my Dr. I had to think about it. After emailing my Dr. a dozen times, doing a ton of research and talking to a family member who had gone through the same thing. I made the decision to give the green light. Although I am not looking forward to this, it will help me in more than one way.

After getting out of the Dr. and getting in my car turning on the radio, I hear the news. As people were Christmas shopping at Clackamas Mall in Portland, OR, a man with an assault rifle opened fire, shooting over 60 rounds, killing 2 people and sending one girl to the hospital (thankfully she survived) before turning the gun on himself. All the while Christmas music was playing in the background and not far children were still telling Santa what they wanted for Christmas as the shots rang out, people were running, screaming. Employees were hiding shoppers in the back of their stores, as others ran past. There was no specific pattern; he just seemed to be shooting.

You tell me, how horrible that many of those people now associate Christmas shopping and the beautiful sounds of Christmas music with mayhem and fear? What about those children who were on Santa’s lap telling Santa their Christmas lists, and those anxiously awaiting, waiting all year, hoping they are on the nice list. Can you imagine the fear they felt when Santa jumped to the ground and their parents pulled them forcefully trying to get them to safety?  People came to the mall, trying to get their shopping done, go to work, see Santa, and meet friends. Now you have to wonder will Christmas ever be the same, because so many innocent people happened to be at the mall that day and witness an act of evil.

December 14, 2012

Yesterday morning we turned on our televisions and listened to our radios on our way to work, or maybe we got a phone telling us to turn on the TV. We watch in horror as information flooded our airwaves about the horrific, unimaginable massacre of 6 innocent adults (including the principal) and 20 children (grades k-4) at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut took place. I can't even imagine what parents all over must be feeling. Furthermore, I can't even begin to conceive what the families who live in this community are going through. As more information comes forward in the coming days, the families, community and world will grieve for their children, and loved ones. There is nothing worse than losing a loved one, especially a child. That’s what breaks my heart the most, innocent children. What did they do? Go to school; look forward to the weekend as children do, and Christmas. These poor families will spend this holiday and every milestone going forward without their precious children and loving wives, husbands, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, because why? What exactly was their crime?,What did these 6 adults and 20 children do to deserve this? My heart is absolutely devastated, and I cannot express the overwhelming emotions I am feeling, my heart breaks for the children and their families. I truly hope they are in a better place and I pray the families and community can find peace, as well as all the parents, grandparents and the entire world that is so affected by this tragedy who took so many innocent lives.

Here is a poem written for the victims that was posted on the FB page RIP Sandy Hook Elementary School Children, Written by M.H. 

"The world starts to fear and the tears begin to shed, the days are coming to a near, the love is dead.

 I know the pain you feel, the anger you once repelled. The hurt you wish to expel and the sorrow you adhere.

One man, two guns, and 27 lives.

 Today America weeps, Tomorrow we fear, Soon everything is for keeps And everyone seem to be a creep.

 The amount of tears that were shed today is nothing to the amount of fear that was installed in us today.

 One man, two guns, and 27 lives.

As the world starts to fear and the tears begin to shed, the days are coming to a near, the love is dead.

I feel the pain you feel. I know the love you lost. I feel the fear you gained, And the tears that we all share."

December 14, 2012 – Later

As I was working, trying to get my mind elsewhere,

My Dad came downstairs to deliver some more bad news; I lost someone very close to my Mom and me. A strong, loving woman who had a sense of humor until the end went to sleep and never woke up. She was a 3rd Grandma to my brother and I and a second Mom to my Mom. When my Mom decided to leave her parents in her small town in LeMars, Iowa and move to the big city of Denver, CO she took care of her, and was there for her and supported her unconditionally in all the decisions she made. When my Mom met my Dad, who was a bad boy from the city (my mom was a good girl from a small town), she accepted them.

She has been a tremendous influence in my life, and lead life herself that was not wasted. She has so many stories and was an independent woman. She didn’t follow society’s rules and marry young, she waited until her 30’s and believe me in her time that was unusual. Maybe I am little like her in that way. Growing up we spent a lot of time at her house and I experienced all of my first adventures and dramatic moments in life when staying with her. Being our 3rd Grandma I never knew how she would handle these “precious” moments in my life, but I was surprised, she was quite modern, maybe it was because of her independence. She even taught me a thing or two about makeup. I could talk to her about lot things I couldn’t talk to my other Grandma about who also lived in Denver (my other Grandma - her sister lived in Iowa). She alongside my Mom and Dad played a big role in helping raise my brother and me. Some of my best memories as a child were spent with her. My biggest regret is not spending more time with her before she left us to be with my Great Uncle Si.

God Bless her baked Chicken, brownies, egg salad sandwiches, scrambled eggs, and well just about anything she cooked. But that baked chicken – it died with her. I love you and will miss you always.

~Final Thoughts~

My senior year in high school, I learned about life and death, reality and petty things in life are just that, petty. I also learned that a day can start out beautiful and almost perfect and then you’re walking up the stairs laughing with your friends going to your sociology class and then everyone is in a sudden panic. You learn that there was a shooting at Columbine high school. Just like that in one instant everything changes. No one knows if their friends are dead or alive, we watched as everything unfolded that day. Waiting to hear news of people we knew. Some of did, some of us didn’t. It was one of the worst days of my life, a day I will never forget as long as I live.  

Then there are other days, realities or moments that shaped my life -

The day I found out my dad had a heart attack, and had to have to a Quadruple bypass heart surgery. I had no idea if he would make it out of surgery. Before he went in, he told me “take care of Mom and Michael”, and repeated it. Even he didn’t believe he was going to make it out. I have never been that scared, the surgery took longer than expected and then this became the worst day of my life.  

A close friend Robert committed suicide over a girl, who he was dating. She treated him like shit and got him hooked on meth. Jose and I tried to get him away from her, but meth is funny like that. I don’t it was her, I think it was Meth. One night they got in a fight and he went out to his car and shot himself. His family knew what she was and tried to get him away from her too. What really pissed me off - she had the audacity to show up at Robert’s funeral, high on meth.

Then there is Jose, my first and only love, my best friend, “my person”, the only person who knew everything about me, and never judged me. He killed himself with heroin and eventually over dosed.

No one can replace him and his death has been harder on me than anything I have ever dealt with. It’s hard to find someone who accepts you for you. Who can be both a best friend and be in love with. I am not saying everything was perfect, we had some pretty intense fights, and we had a rule to always tell each other the truth no matter how hard it was to hear. And believe me during “breaks” there was a lot of stuff that was hard to hear, but that’s what made us closer, stronger and best friends. Losing him was like losing a part of me.

My point in all of this is that any day can start out beautiful, normal, or be just a day. Every single day above that I talk about in this post started out a good day, in fact most of them were pretty damn good days. And just like that everything came crashing down.

I have been learning and practicing about living in the present, and not concentrating as much on the past or the future. Sure there are many things I will never forget, but I have to learn to accept them, a big thing called "radical acceptance". But we don’t know about tomorrow, or the next day or beyond that. 

In going through all of this I have also learned a great deal about friendship, and it is amazing to find out who will walk with you in the rain, and ride out the storm by your side. Who calls to make sure you are OK, and calls again just to be sure. It truly is people like that, who you want by your side. 

Horrible things happen in life, and most of the time we never get an answer why. And many times it’s the innocent or people that are truly good that get hurt. We can sit here and blame everyone and everything, but does that really make you feel better? Blame should be placed where blame is due, and nowhere else. As for the loved ones we lose, we can hope they are in a better place.

As for the people who are still here hurting we can be there and comfort them, be a friend. Some storms take longer to pass than others.    

xoxo