I have Contradicted Myself

After thinking all night and today about my last blog entry I have to say I have contradicted myself. I said the only thing missing in my life was that someone special. Well I have a lot of special people in my life including ME! But the fact of the matter is, I am not ready to commit to someone as I one day hope to. My life is to complicated as it is. And where I plan on taking myself, well I just don't see a foreseeable relationship in the near future.
Many people have asked my recently where I see myself in 10 or 15 years, especially some of my teachers and my boss. The truth is, I see me, in my career, me only. And as selfish as that may be, I want to make the most of my life and that for me means a great career. So I apoligize for my contradiction. I have many special people that I care about and that is all I can really handle right now.
xoxo

As we come Upon a New Year

I must start this off with how grateful I am for the things that have come into my life in the past year. I have never been this happy as far as I can remember. A lot of people ask me what has changed. Well so much has changed. I have finally come to the realization that I am who I am, and god gave me a purpose in life. I am learning from my mistakes and believe me there have been quite a few. I lost a great relationship over my selfishness and my immaturity. I can't take all the blame, it takes two, but a lot of regret lays on my shoulder. I have learned to move past that and accept me for who I am. I am not perfect but I am proud of my accomplishments in my life in the last year.
Nothing can change the past, but I can not let it dictate who I am today. That was the hardest lesson I have learned. I have to accept the fact that I have a disease that will be with me for the rest of my life, and with that being said I can not let that dictate my life either. I am proud to stand for my convictions and will live the life I was meant to live. Someday, I will find that special person who can share that part of my life. In essence that is the only thing I am missing from my life today, but I have to believe that one day I will find that someone who will accept me, no questions asked.
So with the start of the new year I promise myself that I will work hard on the things that matter to me, there is a lot to be said for the interpersonal self. You can not love another until you love yourself.
Happy New year!
xoxo

Is it Over Yet?

So I finally made it home, after shoveling out my parents driveway. Thank goodness. All in all it was not so bad, we did have one day where it was just unbearable, but looking back I am glad I was with my family. We didn't end up going to my parents friends house for Christmas like we always do, we were snowed in.... :( But on the bright side of things my brother and I got my dad an XBox 360 (he has been asking for years) and we played that all day and night. I never knew it could be so much fun!
Now I am ready for the weather to warm up and to go on with life before this storm wreaked havoc. I hope the weather warms up, its supposed to but like the weather people out here know anything. I hope everyone else had a Merry Christmas and Santa brought them everything they wanted :) Now we have to new year, a whole new year...... :)
Happy Holidays!
xoxo

SNOWED IN!!!!!!!!!! (Originally posted12-24-2008)

I have lost track of the days.... I know it's Christmas Eve, but I have been stuck at my parents house now for five, count em..... five whole days! I can't take it anymore...... Tensions are building. We are running out of movies (the cable went out) It's not my idea of a wonderful vacation or holiday. What to do, besides pull my hair out. All gloves were off last night as the tension built around the house. There was crying and fighting... Not good. Everyone is just so sick of being couped up here, it's unbearable. I am going crazy..... Good thing we have lots of alcohol...... MMMMMMM yeah alcohol....... OK it's not that bad, it could be worse, but why does the weather have to be like this for so long...... It plain sucks!!!!!! What day is it again? O well. Everyone have a Merry Christmas. I will try to entertain myself for a while longer. But it's getting bad. Hopefully I will get out of here by this weekend! Pray for me. just kidding :) Can you see how stir crazy I am going I am not even making sense.
xoxo

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The snow is falling and the Christmas songs are playing. All I can do to stop myself from smiling. I am so fortunate to have the life that I do. My brother got into town last night, right before the storm. I am waiting for my parents to pick me up and I am spending most of the week up there, mostly due to weather. But I am excited. We are decorating the tree today and with the snow falling it couldn't be more perfect. This year has brought on so many special surprises and there have been some downs, but I have to say it has to be one of the better years I have had in my life, and it can only get better from here. So for all of you who are in Portland right now, STAY SAFE! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
xoxo

Damn Weather

It is like 25 degrees outside, with snow and ice on the ground...... Yes they are predicting more. My brother is coming into town on Friday and I am scared the weather is going to delay that.... Did I mention we are supposed to have an Ice storm on Sunday....... Damn weather.... The one thing I absolutely hate about living out here is the ice. At least in Colorado you had dry snow and you could drive in it because there was traction.... Not out here, there has to be ice, Oh how I hate the ice. There is no way you can drive in it, so I maxed it this morning, yes I did.... Let me tell you it was not fun, not only was it like 25 degree's but the wind chill made it feel like 7 degrees. So I had to walk seven blocks in freezing cold weather because it was to icy to drive my warm car. O well I did get a awesome pair of feathery boots, so all is good. Anyways for all of you who are enjoying warm weather, I envy you right about now. I have lived here for almost 4 years and I don't think it has ever been this cold. I moved from Denver to get away from this weather, and here I am freezing my ass off. O well. Life goes on and at least I have a warm place to come home to. Did I mention my boots?
xoxo

Is that a Spring in your Step?

The air is clear, The day is right, everything is going your way. Do you ever just have one of those days? When everything just feels right. You sing at the top of your lungs even though you can't carry a tune, you skip across the street even though you look completely stupid, you smile...... Yes you smile. What is there to smile about? Nothing, everything..... It's in the air... Maybe it's the holiday's, maybe it's just me, but for once nothing is getting me down. I have had many allergic reactions in the last two weeks (they are still going) but I don't care, I think it's funny.... not to funny, but funny. I have the stress of school and work, but I don't care.... There is absolutely a spring in my step. Nothing is getting in my way. It feels good to smile, I need to do it more often and lately in the last few months I can't seem to quit smiling. I have eliminated some negative energy in my life, and I feel so relieved, bad energy if you will, now surrounding myself with good energy. Nothing in particular happened, nothing comes to mind, but suddenly everything is just as is should be. Happy!
xoxo