Delusional

Have you ever been tired, so tired that sleep is considered a luxury? Being a full time student and working full time, sleep and food have become something of a non-necessity for me, well they should not be, but if I have to choose between doing my homework and sleeping, I choose homework, and at work, I get so busy I forget to eat. I know my body is being worn down, but hey, I have a little less than 2 years to finish school and so far, I have a 4.0 average.
I take the max most mornings to work and usually catch up on sleep, or homework. Last week I was so tired that I decided to sleep. I hear over the intercom that the next stop is the Convention Center, so I think to myself, a few more stops to go and catch a few more moments of sleep. SWEET! Next thing I know I wake up in a tunnel and in BEAVERTON!!!!!! I look back and everyone is gone, I am the only one left on the Max. I look at my phone to see what time it is and it is almost 8:15, I have to be to work at 7:30. Oh Shit!
I start freaking out, of course. First off, I have no idea where I am and second I am so late to work, and no one knows where I am. My phone starts ringing, it is one of my bosses, I explain what happened, and she starts laughing. Then I call my mom and she starts laughing. Looking back it was damn funny.
I get off the Max, wait for the next one to come, and then go back to downtown, so far so good. I get off at Pioneer Square, which I have walked to many times, Nordstrom’s, Macy’s and Victoria Secret are all up there, so I know I am not far. I see Qudoba, a restaurant that I have walked to many times; ok I know where I am. Therefore, I start walking, IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! I was so disoriented and tired that I ended up walking in the complete opposite direction. I call Didi, I tell her I am lost, she can tell I am getting upset. Breath she tells me “remember don’t sweat the small stuff and this is small stuff.” (a book everyone got me because I tend to sweat the small stuff). She asks me where I am and I give her the cross streets, she asks me, how the heck did you get there, I told I just started walking. I was so far away from work it was not even funny. I was looking frantically for the tall pink building in which I work. I could not even see it. Didi tells me to find Burnside and walk North, I had to ask people where Burnside was, and of course, they looked at me weird. I do not look like a tourist; it is obvious that I worked downtown. How is it possible that I could get that lost? I even got off at a stop that I recognized, and had been too many time. Well as one of my friends tells me, I get lost in a paper bag, which is true.
Finally, I made it to work, I walked about thirty blocks that day, and I definitely got my exercise. As I walked in the door, everyone asked how my nap was and they all laughed. At the time, it was not so funny, but it is so funny. This would only happen to me, only I could ride the max, fall asleep, wake up 40 minutes after my stop, and then get lost in a city in which I work.
After this fiasco, I decided that this was never going to happen again. I got phone with a GPS and a navigation system that talks to me, and not matter how tired I am, I WILL NEVER SLEEP ON THE MAX AGAIN!!
LESSON LEARNED!

The Rainbow

You know that saying when it rains it pours, but there is always a rainbow at the end of the storm.
Lately things have been good, then bad, then really bad, now they went to fantasitic.

First I found a condo to rent from one of my co-workers, so yes I am moving, and I am living by myself. I look at the condo on Monday, and hopefully everything will go through as planned!

Next, I finally got the phone I wanted, ok, I know not so exciting, but I had the worst phone before and was ready to throw it against the wall. Yes I hated it! So I went and got a Blackberry Pearl...... and oh I love it!!! I have everything I need right on my phone.

Third I have narrowed down a few pieces I am summiting to my colleges new paper, and I am still a little nervous about it, but am excited at the same time...

So yes, this week has been great, except for the fact that I had a root canal and it hurts like hell, it had a really bad infection so I have had to go to my dentist about 5 times in the last three weeks, but let me tell you the Nitrous is wonderful :)

So it has been a good week to say the least. I am so excited about moving and my writing.

See there is a rainbow after every storm :)
xoxo

Why we say the things we do

Why we say the things we do?

Over emotional stress, anger and selfness. Words come out of your mouth that you don't always mean and can end up hurting people that we don't mean to hurt.

Why? Are we trying to get a reaction, are we trying to say something deep inside that we may or may not feel?

Does it ever make sense?
Most of the time not.

Can it change everything?
Absolutely.

Can you take it back?
Unfortunately not.

Pick your battles, pick them wisely, don't hurt the ones that care, and push away the ones you love.

The things you say can change the entire element of a friendship.

xoxo

When Will it End?

Why waste your tears? Why cry? Why let the pain tear at you inside? Life is what we make of it, and I wish to more extent I had control over my emotions.
Why did god give me this disorder that I have to struggle with everyday of my life? How many times in a day do I have to say "it's not fair?" How many relationships, friendships am I going to lose because I can't deal with the real world?
I struggle on a daily basis and try to keep up with my life, it is getting to hard. It is getting to the point that I feel it is not worth fighting for anymore.
When a person whom you care a great deal about tells you that you are incapable of friendship and treating others well I have to wonder is this how I really am? Am I such a horrible person that I am incapable of friendship and love?
I have others tell me I have so much going for me and to focus on the good not the bad, that I am a strong person, but how well do they really know me? How much do they really care? When you have people whom you love and trust tell you things that hurt you, they are the ones that know, isn't it the truth?
For the most part I try to stay positive, however it is so hard sometimes when I feel like my world is crashing for no reason. In reality there is nothing wrong, but in my mind something is not right.
It's a constant struggle and battle. When is enough, enough? When do you let go? When do you say life has not been good and it's time to move on?
Dark thoughts I know, A lot of tears.
I am in no way perfect, I need to control my words when I get emotional, I need to learn to live, but I also need help. When a person who was your support system gives up on you it can crush you.
My mind is fuzzy and my heart is crushed, there is not a damn thing I can do about it except cry. Yes I am crying, I am feeling bad, it's not fair. There I said it..... Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself. Writing is my biggest outlet and thats why I am writing this.
My only question is when? When does it all end?