Integrity at Stake, As a New Life Begins

"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left" ~Hubert Humphrey

There are times in life when your integrity is at stake, your dreams of tomorrow that may seem shattered, or a piece of you that was hurt to the point of tears and heartbreak. We are all human, we will cause heartbreak, as well as experience it.

My question is what is the cost of your integrity? A friendship, a climb up a shared hierarchy? Your religious ethics? How far would you go to end the path of a trusted comradeship, which was invested in for years?

Sycophant: A mean-spirited brown-nosing social climber who would not hesitate to step on those who helped brings them to the top.

Brown-Noser: One who is excessively eager to please another in order to win favor or personal gain.

"The hedonic-treadmill theory says every time you achieve a goal, you set your sights on the next one, if your main goal is high status, you won't enjoy it once you're there.” (Art Markman, a University of Texas psychologist) Ladder climbing, winning favor, by stepping on people to get status, can be a case of low self-esteem, or be motivated by increasing merit.

I hesitate to use the word backstabber here, instead use the words morally wrong – unethical, flexible morals, seeing what is wrong and right as they see fit, when it suits them.

Can a person hold their head up high, as they take credit for work they no longer do, or look a person in the face and lie, set them on a path that ruins their credibility? Personality type Machiavellian typically categorized as "High Mach".

Social climbers suck up because, it often works. Status in any group is based on two key things: what you can bring to the table and how much you are willing to self-sacrifice. Interesting thought and a scary practice if you are on the side of the target.

There is an upside, although a person’s integrity may be at stake, if that person knows in their heart they did the right thing, they can walk with their head held high. A heart may have been broken, a friendship may have been dissolved, and a character may have been tarnished, but what is right is right. There is no black and white, owning up to a mistake is hard, but admitting to lie you did not commit is going against values that are strongly believed in.

A door is opened; new opportunities arise, and a new life begins. Although it is scary, God has a plan for everyone. Moving forward to grow and prosper, and not hold back is the only option for the future.

There will always be that person who has the “flexible morals” and will sacrifice their integrity to gain their needs over others. Eventually that strong yearning to be liked and admired, will fade, people will see that person for who they are.

On a personal note, I believe the truth will set you free, my parents have always taught me that, it may be a challenging path along the way, but will lead to happiness, and my values will be with me always.

“Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power” ~ Blaine Lee

Where you Wear your Heart

Emotions seem to run high in life, at times it seems that the people who are closest to you are not what they seem to be. What does it mean exactly to wear your heart on your sleeve? Why would that be a bad thing, and how would that hinder your attempts in life, career, education, etc. People are who they are shaped into based on their experiences, losses, loves, lessons, and life. You are supposed to remember the compliments and forget the insults, however, this is something I have not yet mastered. Trying to be happy, and living in a world to make myself happy, is hard enough. Having to show my heart is never easy, and at a point when someone tells you that you wear your heart on your sleeve and that is why you will get no where, well where do you go with that? Being alone is hard enough, and the damage has already been done. So you breath, you get up, you try to smile, cry in silence, and put your heart away, where it belongs. There are people in life who do not understand the art of friendship, trust, and proper communication. For those on the receiving end of a person such as that, well - put away your self and your heart.

Do we ever really get over it?

People go on through life with a smile on their face, but do you ever know what is deep down inside? Can you feel past the exterior, and see the feelings of what is behind the eyes. Some people hurt more than others, while some go through life hurting others.

"Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down" - sound familiar?

Why should you have to put up walls? Why should you have to deal with the pain of sometimes being alone? You are not immune. You cannot turn your feeling off like a faucet. Sometimes it is not even easy to put on a smile when you know you have to. However, life is like that sometimes.

Why is it that people feel the need to be destructive to others? What is the satisfaction in hurting a person who is supposed to be your friend? The person on the receiving end, do they ever really recover?
Little by little, the hole in their heart grows a little deeper, and their self-esteem drops. Loneliness and seclusion seem to be a viable option for the person. Depression sets in and thoughts invade their mind of ending it all…..
Why? Because of the hurt a person can cause, the walls a friend who is supposed to be a friend made you put up.

So yes, many of us can walk around with smiles on our faces, a mask worn to hide the hurt deep down inside, but many of us have walls built high around our hearts, to protect the damage that has been done.

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you don not want to feel” – especially pain. This seems to overtake the happiness at times.

Final words – “In this world full of pain and sorrow, maybe once in a lifetime, you’ll find someone who will make you feel wonderful. Hang on to that someone no matter what!”

~

Food for Thought - Mind Boggling Night

How much do we really know about what really goes on inside the minds of us? I have been thinking so much lately, and pondering happiness, and my future. Do I really want to walk in my graduation ceremony? The theories of Human nature can be extrinsic, yet necessary.

Take for example Rene Descartes, you may recognize him from his famous quote "I think therefore I am" Descartes argued that a human being is essentially a thing that thinks. The soul can exist without a body, not to far off if you believe that your soul goes to heaven after you die. Descartes went through a series of meditations, being awake, yet asleep and not known the realm between the two, to prove the existence of God. Some thought this was crazy at the time, and keep in mind it was at a time in history when God was in question with some philosophers. or rather an existence. of a higher power. Descartes relied on his senses and was certain that he was awake and not asleep when encountering God and concluded God was not a deceiver, completely free from error. However Descartes acknowledges the weakness of our nature. Food for thought...



Meditate at sunset. It will draw out the darker emotions and stresses, as you feel the warmth fall from your face and slide into the horizon.



Looking on the writings on Karl Marx, who in my opinion is greatly misunderstood. Communism, is greatly misunderstood. People talk today about how we are headed for a Marxis society - It would be a socialist society, but the truth of the matter is, if Mr. Marx saw what is happening today he would be rolling over in his grave. Communism is not about dictatorship, which many people associate it with, China, Cuba, Stalin, and Lennon. Yes they did have idea's of Karl Marx, However, communism is not a dictatorship. Karl Marx vision was for a workers utopia. True Communism is in which there is not a state and no vestige of property, in which human beings realize their genuine social nature. Marx was against capitalism, believing it created artificial human needs in order to sell products and profit from other human needs, going unfilled. Capitalism places value on what a human has rather that what he/she is. - Get it, not so bad. Although dictators used this to their advantage, taking the profit of the people, not allowing them their share but taking it for themselves, causing currency to be paid to them, instead of the trading and sharing that should have been going to the people. This is why communism has a bad reputation. I am not saying that communism would work, but Karl Marx's idea's were not the intentions of the evil that spawned. - Something to further research. Also Fredric Engels was a great friend and confident to Karl Marx, interesting guy, he wrote many of Marx's books as Marx was not a writer, if you ever pick up his books you will see what I mean :)



History calls those men the greatest who have ennobled themselves by working for the common good; experience acclaims as happiest the man who has made the greatest number of people happy. - Karl Marx (1837)



I leave you with some things I need to practice

Listening -

Effective listening is more than simply avoiding the bad habit of interrupting others while they are speaking or finishing their sentences. It's being content to listen to the entire thought of someone rather than waiting impatiently for your chance to respond. We often treat communication as if it were a race.



Choose your Battle Wisely

It's suggested that life is filled with opportunities to choose between making a big deal out of something or simply letting it go, realizing it doesn't really matter. If you choose your battles wisely, you'll be far more effective in winning those that are truly important. There is so much frustration in living the type of life that you lose track of what is truly relevant. Life is rarely exactly what we want it to be - so let us make what we can in the time we have here, we don't know when that time is gone.



One more thing -



Within Stillness there is great beauty. Inner beauty comes from great stillness



Good night



Resources

Theories of Human Nature

Classic and Contemporary Readings

Donald C. Abel

November 8, 2009 - Soul Shattered

November 8, 2009 will be a day in my life that took a part of my soul, even though I would not know about it until over a year later. In fact 1 year and 2 days to be exact. November 10, 2010 is the day I found out the news that shattered my soul and a part of me died along with the person who held apart of my soul. JRM my only love was taken from the earth from a heroin overdose, exactly one month shy of his 29th birthday and exactly 1 year after he moved back to Colorado from California.
The day I found out I was dreaming about him and I woke up and looked at my phone as I do when I always wake up and I had a friend request on FB from his sister. It was early in the morning and I thought I was still dreaming. It had been a while since I had heard from either one of them. I went back to sleep. I woke again, sat up straight and looked at my phone and no it wasn't a dream, she really did request my friendship.
In my heart, I knew something had happened a long time ago. We have never gone this long without talking, and we ALWAYS talked to each other on our birthdays. I did not hear from him on his birthday in 2009, nor did I hear from him on my birthday last April. I knew in my heart. Is that weird, I mean could I have had some type of premonition? We always had this connection. He knew me, I knew him. We had that connection that we didn’t have to say much we just knew what the other was thinking before the other said anything.
Now he is gone, I didn’t get to say goodbye. I will never get to hear him laugh. God that infectious laugh. I miss him so much it hurts. He was that person that when you hug you fit perfectly together, there was no adjustment to get comfortable. We just fit, like one person.
I have been talking to his sister and it is great, I miss her too. I have known her since she was twelve. She is 22 now. Wow. I need to go back to Denver; I need to see his Mom and his sister.
My heart is devastated; a piece of me is gone. I know we have not been together for a long time, but we were still close, he was my best friend, he always held apart of my soul and always will.
So many people said he was not the same person, that may be true, but when I talked to him, when he poured his heart out to me in his letters, he was still the same person to me. He never changed toward me. And so many people are surprised at everything that I know; I guess they really didn’t know how close we were. That’s ok, he will always be in my heart forever. I will never forget the person, he was, how much he loved, how big his heart was, how he protected me. I also can’t forget the bad, because there was bad, but I am not going to remember him for that. He was good, and I know he is in heaven with angels. I hope he knows how much I loved/love him and that I will never forget him and that he will always hold apart of my soul. November 8, will always be a day that took away one of the most precious things on this earth. You will be missed
Xoxo

For the Decisions we Make and the ones we Trust

Everyday we must make decisions, decisions that will impact our life. Who do we talk too? Who will listen? Who are the people telling us to make those decisions? Living in a world of oblivion, not understanding yourself and not having anyone who understands you enough to give you sound advise on decisions is a hardship. Who do we trust? Who do we trust enough to make the decisions that impact our life enough to make them too. We don't.... It's hard when you make a decision to live a life to yourself, when you choose you live a life where you let no one in, or did you choose that?
When you have no one there to help you make the decisions of your life, you must be doing something wrong. Instead of listening, you have some criticizing. I guess when you choose a life alone you can't expect anything less.
One day I hope to allow myself to let someone in the help me make the decisions that will help me in my life, so I am not the only one making them, sometimes I am not sure if I am making the right ones for me, and a little advice or a ear to listen would be nice.

Alone

I sit alone, night after night,convincing myself that I have to study and that I am absorbed in work. But the truth is I am alone. I have friends but I find reasons not to see them, or they turn out to be psycho. One or the other. The ones I care about hurt me and I have to cut them out of my life instead of letting them know that they hurt me. But isn't that the best way? Push everyone away so you don't get hurt? That's how I have been for the last 4 years. I had a few good friends in there at one time, but in one way or another they hurt me. One in particular. Just recently I wrote a paper on this person and how they have inspired me, but it was just a dream, more like how I wished they had inspired me. I live in a fantasy land, wanting what I can't have, wishing I had more. People tell me I have such potential that I am going places, that I am so smart,and pretty. So why can't I see that? Why can't I be that person that so many people see? What I have done to be hurt so many times that I am numb to the pain, that I can just cut someone off and not even think about it anymore? I have become someone that I never wanted to be. alone. Alone to the world and to myself. I don't know the meaning of true friendship anymore, I don't know what it's like to have someone to talk to about my feelings and I don't know who to go to when I am scared. Alone.... thats what I am