Gone another Year

2011 is coming to a close and this year unlike so many in the past has brought changes that I have never thought possible. As I sit here and wait for my best friend I can't help but remember a New Year's Eve long ago that was with someone special that is now gone. I would give anything to have him here now, but as life goes on so must I. It's funny how many New Year's Eve's I have spent and that is the only one I can really seem to remember clearly (not because I was out of it :) But because I was with so many people I cared about. All of whom are now far away, some in heaven. That one night was special, we were all together, happy, and having fun. Yet we were so young and had no idea of what lie ahead of any of us. If I only knew then what I know now I would have held on just a little tighter, for just a little longer.
But like then, it is in the past, and so is this last year and I have to learn to let the things that hurt go and move forward to what is waiting tomorrow. If there is one thing I have learned in these past two years, life is short, and unexpected. You truly do not know what is going to happen, or when it is going to end.
I have my resolutions, but I have them written down for me. I will not post them here, they are mine to accomplish or change.
Life is one big fishbowl, a looking glass, a trampoline. Whatever it is I am glad I get to live it. Though it has been hard, I have some pretty incredible people who have been there for me along the way. All they have taught me I have grown through them, and even though we are all spread out now, I love them still.
So here is to 2012, I have no idea what is in store for me, but I have learned to expect the unexpected. There is no such thing as stable.
Happy New Year!
xoxo

Reach or Settle

Moving on in life from the past can be hard, and when do you know that you are ready to move on? I watch the show "How I Met Your Mother" and the other night there was an interesting point brought up. Robin and Ted told Marshall that there is always a reacher and a settler in a relationship. Do you think this is the case? That one person settles in the relationship, while the other reaches for that person? Point taken on a few of my past relationships. The reason, plain and simple-loneliness. However, now that I have been single for the better part of two years and have had no time for any type of relationship I am starting to wonder if I am heading in the direction of settling again..... I am in a position to start my life over and have the career of my dreams, do I want distract myself with a distraction? I have always been a high achiever and once I set my mind on something, everything else gets put on the back burner, which brings me back to my first point. Am I ready to move on, or is this just an excuse? Being alone is something that I have learned to live with, and having a full time relationship just seems like to much work. Not ready to "settle" or just not the right person? My parents are patiently waiting for grand-kids from me and my brother, they had no idea that both of us would turn out to be so involved in school and work. Always reaching for that next big thing. I feel bad, I am just not sure if I will ever have kids, as for my younger brother, that's a whole other ball game. I am not saying that I want to live the high life, but I get bored easy. I do not want the white picket fence, Subaru, 2.5 kids and split level house, with a dog, so to speak. I want to live my life the way I want to live it and find someone who shares my interests. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that having those things is bad, for some that is their dream, and that is OK, it's just not my dream. For the last five or six years I kinda of did things for other people, and did what was expected. I got stuck in a rut, a bad rut. Then I had a few eye opening experiences that brought me reeling back to reality, and I now have a second chance to actually do this for me and my life, after all I have to live it right? So I can't settle for what might be good now, just because. I am not a settler, I am a reacher. I do not need a distraction that has no real interest in my life, or I should say my interests. I am getting old enough now that I can't waste someone else's time, it's not fair to them, nor me. If I am going to give my self to someone it needs to be to someone who wants to experience life with me, because right now I don't know where I am going. I know one thing for sure, I have an opportunity of a lifetime with a career that I have always wanted, and that is something I can not give up. So decision is to reach.