2011 is coming to a close and this year unlike so many in the past has brought changes that I have never thought possible. As I sit here and wait for my best friend I can't help but remember a New Year's Eve long ago that was with someone special that is now gone. I would give anything to have him here now, but as life goes on so must I. It's funny how many New Year's Eve's I have spent and that is the only one I can really seem to remember clearly (not because I was out of it :) But because I was with so many people I cared about. All of whom are now far away, some in heaven. That one night was special, we were all together, happy, and having fun. Yet we were so young and had no idea of what lie ahead of any of us. If I only knew then what I know now I would have held on just a little tighter, for just a little longer.
But like then, it is in the past, and so is this last year and I have to learn to let the things that hurt go and move forward to what is waiting tomorrow. If there is one thing I have learned in these past two years, life is short, and unexpected. You truly do not know what is going to happen, or when it is going to end.
I have my resolutions, but I have them written down for me. I will not post them here, they are mine to accomplish or change.
Life is one big fishbowl, a looking glass, a trampoline. Whatever it is I am glad I get to live it. Though it has been hard, I have some pretty incredible people who have been there for me along the way. All they have taught me I have grown through them, and even though we are all spread out now, I love them still.
So here is to 2012, I have no idea what is in store for me, but I have learned to expect the unexpected. There is no such thing as stable.
Happy New Year!
xoxo
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Reach or Settle
Moving on in life from the past can be hard, and when do you know that you are ready to move on?
I watch the show "How I Met Your Mother" and the other night there was an interesting point brought up. Robin and Ted told Marshall that there is always a reacher and a settler in a relationship. Do you think this is the case? That one person settles in the relationship, while the other reaches for that person? Point taken on a few of my past relationships. The reason, plain and simple-loneliness. However, now that I have been single for the better part of two years and have had no time for any type of relationship I am starting to wonder if I am heading in the direction of settling again.....
I am in a position to start my life over and have the career of my dreams, do I want distract myself with a distraction? I have always been a high achiever and once I set my mind on something, everything else gets put on the back burner, which brings me back to my first point. Am I ready to move on, or is this just an excuse? Being alone is something that I have learned to live with, and having a full time relationship just seems like to much work. Not ready to "settle" or just not the right person?
My parents are patiently waiting for grand-kids from me and my brother, they had no idea that both of us would turn out to be so involved in school and work. Always reaching for that next big thing. I feel bad, I am just not sure if I will ever have kids, as for my younger brother, that's a whole other ball game. I am not saying that I want to live the high life, but I get bored easy. I do not want the white picket fence, Subaru, 2.5 kids and split level house, with a dog, so to speak. I want to live my life the way I want to live it and find someone who shares my interests. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that having those things is bad, for some that is their dream, and that is OK, it's just not my dream.
For the last five or six years I kinda of did things for other people, and did what was expected. I got stuck in a rut, a bad rut. Then I had a few eye opening experiences that brought me reeling back to reality, and I now have a second chance to actually do this for me and my life, after all I have to live it right? So I can't settle for what might be good now, just because. I am not a settler, I am a reacher. I do not need a distraction that has no real interest in my life, or I should say my interests. I am getting old enough now that I can't waste someone else's time, it's not fair to them, nor me. If I am going to give my self to someone it needs to be to someone who wants to experience life with me, because right now I don't know where I am going. I know one thing for sure, I have an opportunity of a lifetime with a career that I have always wanted, and that is something I can not give up.
So decision is to reach.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Integrity at Stake, As a New Life Begins
"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left" ~Hubert Humphrey
There are times in life when your integrity is at stake, your dreams of tomorrow that may seem shattered, or a piece of you that was hurt to the point of tears and heartbreak. We are all human, we will cause heartbreak, as well as experience it.
My question is what is the cost of your integrity? A friendship, a climb up a shared hierarchy? Your religious ethics? How far would you go to end the path of a trusted comradeship, which was invested in for years?
Sycophant: A mean-spirited brown-nosing social climber who would not hesitate to step on those who helped brings them to the top.
Brown-Noser: One who is excessively eager to please another in order to win favor or personal gain.
"The hedonic-treadmill theory says every time you achieve a goal, you set your sights on the next one, if your main goal is high status, you won't enjoy it once you're there.” (Art Markman, a University of Texas psychologist) Ladder climbing, winning favor, by stepping on people to get status, can be a case of low self-esteem, or be motivated by increasing merit.
I hesitate to use the word backstabber here, instead use the words morally wrong – unethical, flexible morals, seeing what is wrong and right as they see fit, when it suits them.
Can a person hold their head up high, as they take credit for work they no longer do, or look a person in the face and lie, set them on a path that ruins their credibility? Personality type Machiavellian typically categorized as "High Mach".
Social climbers suck up because, it often works. Status in any group is based on two key things: what you can bring to the table and how much you are willing to self-sacrifice. Interesting thought and a scary practice if you are on the side of the target.
There is an upside, although a person’s integrity may be at stake, if that person knows in their heart they did the right thing, they can walk with their head held high. A heart may have been broken, a friendship may have been dissolved, and a character may have been tarnished, but what is right is right. There is no black and white, owning up to a mistake is hard, but admitting to lie you did not commit is going against values that are strongly believed in.
A door is opened; new opportunities arise, and a new life begins. Although it is scary, God has a plan for everyone. Moving forward to grow and prosper, and not hold back is the only option for the future.
There will always be that person who has the “flexible morals” and will sacrifice their integrity to gain their needs over others. Eventually that strong yearning to be liked and admired, will fade, people will see that person for who they are.
On a personal note, I believe the truth will set you free, my parents have always taught me that, it may be a challenging path along the way, but will lead to happiness, and my values will be with me always.
“Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power” ~ Blaine Lee
There are times in life when your integrity is at stake, your dreams of tomorrow that may seem shattered, or a piece of you that was hurt to the point of tears and heartbreak. We are all human, we will cause heartbreak, as well as experience it.
My question is what is the cost of your integrity? A friendship, a climb up a shared hierarchy? Your religious ethics? How far would you go to end the path of a trusted comradeship, which was invested in for years?
Sycophant: A mean-spirited brown-nosing social climber who would not hesitate to step on those who helped brings them to the top.
Brown-Noser: One who is excessively eager to please another in order to win favor or personal gain.
"The hedonic-treadmill theory says every time you achieve a goal, you set your sights on the next one, if your main goal is high status, you won't enjoy it once you're there.” (Art Markman, a University of Texas psychologist) Ladder climbing, winning favor, by stepping on people to get status, can be a case of low self-esteem, or be motivated by increasing merit.
I hesitate to use the word backstabber here, instead use the words morally wrong – unethical, flexible morals, seeing what is wrong and right as they see fit, when it suits them.
Can a person hold their head up high, as they take credit for work they no longer do, or look a person in the face and lie, set them on a path that ruins their credibility? Personality type Machiavellian typically categorized as "High Mach".
Social climbers suck up because, it often works. Status in any group is based on two key things: what you can bring to the table and how much you are willing to self-sacrifice. Interesting thought and a scary practice if you are on the side of the target.
There is an upside, although a person’s integrity may be at stake, if that person knows in their heart they did the right thing, they can walk with their head held high. A heart may have been broken, a friendship may have been dissolved, and a character may have been tarnished, but what is right is right. There is no black and white, owning up to a mistake is hard, but admitting to lie you did not commit is going against values that are strongly believed in.
A door is opened; new opportunities arise, and a new life begins. Although it is scary, God has a plan for everyone. Moving forward to grow and prosper, and not hold back is the only option for the future.
There will always be that person who has the “flexible morals” and will sacrifice their integrity to gain their needs over others. Eventually that strong yearning to be liked and admired, will fade, people will see that person for who they are.
On a personal note, I believe the truth will set you free, my parents have always taught me that, it may be a challenging path along the way, but will lead to happiness, and my values will be with me always.
“Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power” ~ Blaine Lee
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Where you Wear your Heart
Emotions seem to run high in life, at times it seems that the people who are closest to you are not what they seem to be. What does it mean exactly to wear your heart on your sleeve? Why would that be a bad thing, and how would that hinder your attempts in life, career, education, etc. People are who they are shaped into based on their experiences, losses, loves, lessons, and life. You are supposed to remember the compliments and forget the insults, however, this is something I have not yet mastered. Trying to be happy, and living in a world to make myself happy, is hard enough. Having to show my heart is never easy, and at a point when someone tells you that you wear your heart on your sleeve and that is why you will get no where, well where do you go with that? Being alone is hard enough, and the damage has already been done. So you breath, you get up, you try to smile, cry in silence, and put your heart away, where it belongs. There are people in life who do not understand the art of friendship, trust, and proper communication. For those on the receiving end of a person such as that, well - put away your self and your heart.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Do we ever really get over it?
People go on through life with a smile on their face, but do you ever know what is deep down inside? Can you feel past the exterior, and see the feelings of what is behind the eyes. Some people hurt more than others, while some go through life hurting others.
"Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down" - sound familiar?
Why should you have to put up walls? Why should you have to deal with the pain of sometimes being alone? You are not immune. You cannot turn your feeling off like a faucet. Sometimes it is not even easy to put on a smile when you know you have to. However, life is like that sometimes.
Why is it that people feel the need to be destructive to others? What is the satisfaction in hurting a person who is supposed to be your friend? The person on the receiving end, do they ever really recover?
Little by little, the hole in their heart grows a little deeper, and their self-esteem drops. Loneliness and seclusion seem to be a viable option for the person. Depression sets in and thoughts invade their mind of ending it all…..
Why? Because of the hurt a person can cause, the walls a friend who is supposed to be a friend made you put up.
So yes, many of us can walk around with smiles on our faces, a mask worn to hide the hurt deep down inside, but many of us have walls built high around our hearts, to protect the damage that has been done.
“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you don not want to feel” – especially pain. This seems to overtake the happiness at times.
Final words – “In this world full of pain and sorrow, maybe once in a lifetime, you’ll find someone who will make you feel wonderful. Hang on to that someone no matter what!”
~
"Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down" - sound familiar?
Why should you have to put up walls? Why should you have to deal with the pain of sometimes being alone? You are not immune. You cannot turn your feeling off like a faucet. Sometimes it is not even easy to put on a smile when you know you have to. However, life is like that sometimes.
Why is it that people feel the need to be destructive to others? What is the satisfaction in hurting a person who is supposed to be your friend? The person on the receiving end, do they ever really recover?
Little by little, the hole in their heart grows a little deeper, and their self-esteem drops. Loneliness and seclusion seem to be a viable option for the person. Depression sets in and thoughts invade their mind of ending it all…..
Why? Because of the hurt a person can cause, the walls a friend who is supposed to be a friend made you put up.
So yes, many of us can walk around with smiles on our faces, a mask worn to hide the hurt deep down inside, but many of us have walls built high around our hearts, to protect the damage that has been done.
“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you don not want to feel” – especially pain. This seems to overtake the happiness at times.
Final words – “In this world full of pain and sorrow, maybe once in a lifetime, you’ll find someone who will make you feel wonderful. Hang on to that someone no matter what!”
~
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)