November 8, 2009 will be a day in my life that took a part of my soul, even though I would not know about it until over a year later. In fact 1 year and 2 days to be exact. November 10, 2010 is the day I found out the news that shattered my soul and a part of me died along with the person who held apart of my soul. JRM my only love was taken from the earth from a heroin overdose, exactly one month shy of his 29th birthday and exactly 1 year after he moved back to Colorado from California.
The day I found out I was dreaming about him and I woke up and looked at my phone as I do when I always wake up and I had a friend request on FB from his sister. It was early in the morning and I thought I was still dreaming. It had been a while since I had heard from either one of them. I went back to sleep. I woke again, sat up straight and looked at my phone and no it wasn't a dream, she really did request my friendship.
In my heart, I knew something had happened a long time ago. We have never gone this long without talking, and we ALWAYS talked to each other on our birthdays. I did not hear from him on his birthday in 2009, nor did I hear from him on my birthday last April. I knew in my heart. Is that weird, I mean could I have had some type of premonition? We always had this connection. He knew me, I knew him. We had that connection that we didn’t have to say much we just knew what the other was thinking before the other said anything.
Now he is gone, I didn’t get to say goodbye. I will never get to hear him laugh. God that infectious laugh. I miss him so much it hurts. He was that person that when you hug you fit perfectly together, there was no adjustment to get comfortable. We just fit, like one person.
I have been talking to his sister and it is great, I miss her too. I have known her since she was twelve. She is 22 now. Wow. I need to go back to Denver; I need to see his Mom and his sister.
My heart is devastated; a piece of me is gone. I know we have not been together for a long time, but we were still close, he was my best friend, he always held apart of my soul and always will.
So many people said he was not the same person, that may be true, but when I talked to him, when he poured his heart out to me in his letters, he was still the same person to me. He never changed toward me. And so many people are surprised at everything that I know; I guess they really didn’t know how close we were. That’s ok, he will always be in my heart forever. I will never forget the person, he was, how much he loved, how big his heart was, how he protected me. I also can’t forget the bad, because there was bad, but I am not going to remember him for that. He was good, and I know he is in heaven with angels. I hope he knows how much I loved/love him and that I will never forget him and that he will always hold apart of my soul. November 8, will always be a day that took away one of the most precious things on this earth. You will be missed
Xoxo
